ZacksQuest Reviews- Eccentrically Bored, Part Two of Three

Okay, so when I left off, Joseph Steward may have actually been sympathetic for once. This time, on ZacksQuest reviews...

 

Right after that little journey into Joseph's motivations and mind, we finally meet our antagonist, The Archangel... sort of. Joseph Steward notices a strange man in a hoodie and gas mask staring out at him from the sidewalk, who Joseph assumes may be the killer. Honestly, this had the potential to be really creepy and really jar me. Maybe if the Archangel started creeping closer, or maybe if the Archangel pulled out an axe, or started bleeding out of the breathing holes, or... anything but standing there and then walking on. It feels like a wasted opportunity and... I'm really disappointed in that moment. But it still shows that the plot is thickening, and in any case, this did show that Joseph Steward can be seriously affected by shit like this. He's starting to lose sleep, and it makes sense, because he thinks he saw a killer of two, potentially more people, and it not only was coming down his street, but it stared right the fuck at him. It makes sense. It works. Then, in the next post, someone sends him a legitimate creepy proxy video. First of all, the proxy channel is pretty much the common Slender trope, right behind Slendersickness and squiggly arms. But this isn't a Slender proxy. That's right. It's from the Archangel and his cult followers, saying that they can protect him from the Slender Man. Honestly, this is really good, and Joey Steward reacts the way any former-cynic would- he gets pissed and demand the perpetrator shuts the fuck up and stops harassing him.

 

Okay, the next post takes place on Ash Wednesday and Joey Steward's just got his fool ass Slenderstalked. The thing is... the Slender Man doesn't do anything. After Joey went to mass, he drives by a children's playground, then notices the long, tall, and faceless gaping at him. The thing is... the Slender Man, just like Archie, doesn't really do, anything. Hell, he doesn't even eat one of the passing children for sustenance. He's just standing there... MENACINGLY... GET OUT OF THERE STEWARD-! Again, I don't dislike Eccentrically Bored, but these two initial appearances seem to be quite the wasted opportunity, and I feel like Slendy could have done something. Anything. He could have waved his tentacles around like a goofball for all I care, just not... that. Actually, I'm being too hard on it. The fact that it was meant to be a vlog initially shows. The strange locations, the operator symbols, the proxy videos... I do think that both the Archangel and Slender Man scares were meant for the low-resolution screen of YouTube, not blog format, and I honestly believe that, if both the Archie and Slender Man scares were in vlogs, they would have been legitimately creepy, or at least a little unnerving. Then, being a regular joe, he does something logical. He calls the fucking cops. However, instead of saying, "Psst... there's a guy that should be on amber alert and I may have info on the Virginia Valley Girl Bludgeoner," he was... a little less smooth about it. He told everything. Granted, the SMSC come along after the police wonder whether or not to put him in a mental ward, but they're kind of... useless this blog. His parents are finally worried about his mental health and requests he see a psychologist for his "paranoid delusions".

 

First of all, allow me to reccomend Dr. Corenthal and Dr. Beakman, they're excellent medical professionals and they'll definitely find help for an asshat like Steward...

 

Actually, that's basically exactly what happened to him. He goes to a psychologist who then gives him some obviously-not-Slenderpills and then he starts becoming more and more... emotional, and the pills are suppressing his true emotions. You can see that the paranoia, the possible delusions, the loneliness, it's all getting to him, and the family now thinking of him as a freak is also pushing on him immensely. But it doens't matter. Nothing matters to him anymore. Not even Slender Man getting all Peeping Tom on Steward.

 

"I don't care that an empty face is in the window. I don't care about the video. I don't care that Hes watching me. I don't care. I feel fine." ("Feeling Fine". Eccentrically Bored.)

 

 

Honestly, this moment is legitimately creepy. You know that Joey Steward's about to go off the deep end, and if he doesn't Slendy's about to do it for him. This is when you really see the magic of the Steward blogs, no matter how iffy the exposition was. Then, like any normal person, he does some research and finds out about the Slender Man, and its connection to Der Grobbman of the proxy video. What happens next? He goes stereotypically loony, that's what. For good reason. Archie's right outside his door. He's been watching Steward for fifteen minutes. Steward is teetering even further over the brink of the abyss, with only his happy pills as a life-saver for him. And the way he just casually, if not gleefully, describes the way that he thinks "Gas Mask" killed his victims. Then, finally, The World in Flames post comes around. Slender Man comes to Steward and finally does shit. Namely, it points its finger at Steward, and it booped him right in the face, Azoth dripping from his suit-flesh-thing. Then suddenly Steward's in a crumbling city under a black sky, filled with ashes and fire. Then Gas Mask comes down from the heavens like Samael himself to say, "You will rue the day, Stewardman! We will meet again, my nemesis!" Actually, he said it in a legitimitely disturbing and mostly-original way. And then he remembers passing out on his lawn. So, in the next post, Steward pretends not to even remember yesterday, probably to maintain his sanity. However, he notices being followed, but chooses to ignore it. So, then the girl shadowing him bum rushes him and tries killing him by beating him to death, but he fights her off. Then he remembers that she was one of the three victims of the Archangel. The Archangel could have either brought her corpse from the dead or used her face to disguise himself, both of which he can do fairly simply.

 

 

"I was attacked by a fucking dead girl." ("Attacked". Eccentrically Bored.)

 

So, in the comments section a mysterious individual named "C" says he/she is coming to help Joey. And next post shows that after a long time, Steward finally snapped... well, it's assumed he did snap, but he's mostly "calm" now. He's still a little jittery about the zombie chick who attacked him, and he tells "C" that he doesn't want "C's" help. And then he realizes for himself the fact that he realizes that the pills may not be healthy for him. Turns out, they were given to him while the psychiatrist was... Slender-hypnotized? It's not really clarified. Also, C's comments him that in a few days, he/she will be in Virginia. Honestly, I don't like it when people openly interfere in peoples' business. Joey Steward can solve his own damn problems and doesn't need anyone's help and he doesn't need a "you and me versus the Fears together" team-up. In fact, honestly kind of want him to die. With that, I finish part two. As you can see, the blog shot way uphill, and I really feel empathy for Joey Steward and what he's going through. There are a couple legit creepy moments, and while I feel that the vlog medium would have done loads more than what the blog format is doing for this, I do believe that the story is really good and worth a read. Now on to the piece de resistance, the final part of this review trilogy.



ZacksQuest Reviews- Eccentrically Bored, Part One of Three

This blog I'm reviewing is another of the Big Three blogs of the Fear Mythos, and I actually found this one not to be as good as the other two Big Three, but is at the very least a somewhat marred gemstone of the Fear Mythos and a great introduction to one of my personal favorite Fears.

First of all, let me tell you what I knew of LizardBite's universe that he created with these blogs, known as The Great Game Verse. It is a beautiful idea. It's a game of eldritch chess that not only can human understand due to the Fears' Blue and Orange Morality, and it works so damn well!. It sets up alliances between the Fears that we cannot understand, and as insignificant, non-Eldritch mortals into playthings for the Fears' competitive amusement. There's a reason why I base all my independent, unconnected blogs around the Great Game Verse. Okay, now back to the topic of Eccentrically Bored. It starts off simple enough, with some random unexplained post about someone describing their death. It's honestly really creepy, and the "life goes on" at the end is confusing, and very satisfactory. Then we're introduced to our own resident cynic, Joseph Steward, and his beautiful choice of introduction.

"Sup, bitches?" ("New Blog Ahoy!" Eccentrically Bored)

He goes on a couple paragraph rant about how his life is all humdrum in the most dickish melodramatic way possible, and then talks about his awesome adventures. And in the next post, he starts bitching about the color pink and how the resolution on his laptop morphs. I'll just say it here. I hated both of the protagonists. Joseph Steward is a chauvenist, pessimistic asshat who can't find a speck of good and the upcoming character is well-meaning and kind but is so officious and obtrusive that it hurts. Finally, he goes on and hears a faint scratching around the house. He goes outside and sees that it was a dog, but then again may not. Then he hears the scratching again. It's cliched as hell, and if he never saw what was outside, it would have made it so much creepier, added suspense. Either way, it's cliched, but honestly, this was the part that was the shit that tarnished this otherwise well-written blog. From this point on, it's an uphill climb to a satisfying and greatly rewarding conclusion conclusion.

Okay, now this is when he starts using out-of-blog material, which adds to the immersion of the blog so well, using an artical from the Virginian Pilot about a young woman beaten and drowned, foreshadowing events to come and, honestly, it's kind of creepy. Sadly, the link is broken. Two days after that, he finds out that the victim is from the nearby are. The foreshadowing thickens even more, and I must admit that you are wondering what the hell Joseph Steward's about to get his stupid ass into, and what kind of murderous monster he's about to run into.
 
Then he goes back to bitching and moaning for a while, which is honestly a bit of a disappointment in my eyes; I thought he would at least be a little on edge, but life goes on. First he bitches about work, then about school, then about the fact that he has followers. Goddamn, I honestly hate Joseph Steward's character. He is never satisfied, never pleased, always complaining to the whole damn world. Then another person gets killed by whoever caused the first death. Joseph Steward is two parts intrigued, three parts scared shitless, and Peter Rivers' comment reminds me to add his blog to the list. FINALLY, after seven or so posts, good ole' Joey finally posts those construction pictures. And it has all the good locations for a Slendervlog, and it's chock full with Operator Symbols and Twin Triangles (the calling card symbol of the Archangel). Makes sense, though, considering it was originally intened to be a vlog. He also mentions a glitched up picture.
Then he complains about his allergies (and/or Slendersickness), and then posts a glitched up picture, that is actually quite creepy on second glance. I swear I see tentacles between those two freight containers. And he feels drawn to this picture, like it's calling out to him in  some strange manner. And his Slendersickness gets worse.

And then, next post, his Slendersickness goes away... LizardBite, understand that I still like this blog, and most of what I say is just nitpicking and hating on the character's personality (not because it's badly written, but it's intentionally written so that he's a bad person), but you wasted a fairly good opportunity here, bro. Also, he takls about how he's now without friends and families, and he's getting lonely, and explains why he's started blogging. Honestly, this is the first time I felt legit sympathy for the human garbage that is Mr. Steward. Okay, so this part of the blog was not... good. Honestly, I do enjoy it. It sets up exposition, sets up some characterization for Joseph Steward (the fact that he's a cynical asshole who drives people away for personal reasons and out of loneliness and the fact that he is

 

"...a socially retarded 19 year old virgin with a blog." ("A Little Self Reflection". Eccentrically Bored.)

Finally, I am honestly interested in what happens next. LizardBite may have cut a few corners, and this blog is one of his earlier works and it shows, but it helps me feel for the character, understand the cahracter, and makes me want to follow along with it.
This was the part of his Joseph Steward blogs that are more on the crappy side, the first four posts being the worst, but from this point on, shit's about to get real, and the Archangel's about to strike hard.

ZacksQuest Reviews- Brighter than a Spoon

This review is of brighter than a spoon, one of the very first Fearblogs written by the prolific and immaculate alliterator. To say he has done much for the Mythos is to be making a cataclysmic, world-breaking understatement, so I think it would be nice to do something in return and review his first Fearblog. I am not reviewing the remake, because I remember this one fondly and I wanted to review this one.

Okay, so it starts out with some fairly good exposition, involving the story of Tav Lowe, an aspiring young poet who I sympathize for, as he seems like the kind of lower-middle class person with dreams bigger than himself, something a lot of people can sympathize with. In any case, he finds the password to his old blog again and so he uses it now to write poetry with.

In any case, it starts out fairly simple and sets up exposition for the character well enough, and even takes the time to post his ideas for poems that he gets in his sleep, and uncovers strange symbols that he can't decipher. The fact that this happened right out of nowhere, in the middle of (near the end, but in the middle of) exposition time is fairly jarring, and the fact that the symbols aren't really used all that much afterwords, if at all. So... Big Lipped Alligator Moment.

In any case, he begins his sleepwalking soon afterwords and posts both either stereotypical Slendersickness-induced ramblings, or the greatest contemporary
poems I've ever heard. Even if it's a little strangely stereotypical, it makes sense because he's being afflicted by the goddamn Slender Man. But oh no, our poor protagonist isn't just getting Slendersick. He's getting SlenderHACKED, as he learns out through horrifying video and audio hallucinations that he is the eldritch version of a transistor radio. Also, he's visited by the SMSC, a Bowie-inspired superspy ring, and his house got ransacked by a former Slenderproxy, who later gets tentacle-raked by the Slender Man himself. Honestly, the timing for this is really good, although his posts are ungodly long. Then again, that's something I have already been, and still am greatly guilty of, so I'm not one to throw stones here.. Then he meets the homeless Agnes Day, who's stalked by another creature known as The Cold Boy, the second of the main Fears in this blog. First of all, Agnes knows about what Tav's going through. She's sympathetic, she grows on him, and she and Tav work so well as a duo that it makes them realistic and very sympathetic. Oh, and she has a dog, too, but besides one or two posts the dog is rarely mentioned or cared about, which is... kind of sad.

Then the Cold Boy shows up in all his giddy, nursery-rhyme creepisms. And he carries around a frostbitten bone with human flesh on it- for the pups, you know. Honestly, this moment was built up to fairly well, and aside from a slightly disappointing payoff in that post, I do like the tension, the fog, the dog barking, and the previous post that developed the Cold Boy as something not-human. Oh, and there's a package that plays a big role in the end. Also, he talks about old noodles. I love you, alliterator, but I'ma have to make a small, insignificant little rant about something unimportant. The noodles should have been brought to the exposition part of the story, and the symbols should have been brought into the part when shit finally started getting real. Instead of two perfect parts, it's two almost-perfect parts with one Big-Lipped Alligator Moment in each, and I am saddened by the fact that these two great parts are not the perfect gems they should be.
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Afterwards, you learn the backstories of those two SMSC agents. Agent Liza Jane is the sister of Agnes Day who was also stalked by a creature, and Agent Aladdin Sane was a former FBI special agent who found out about the Plague Doctor (he and the Quiet are mentioned in the blog but never seen) while staging a drug bust, leaving him on-edge and with a tendency to tap his fingers. The SMSC decides to lure the two Fears out having the two protagonists walk into a cornfield and having them try calling to the Cold Boy, an eldritch god-like being, with meager arms. I thought this was a very tense scene with really good action, interaction, and atmosphere, and the use of what was in the package was excellent, but the thing is the entire operation could have been completely avoided if the two were at least half-way competent. Granted, when you read it it sounds like the only option, but it isn't. Granted, the fact that alliterator makes you believe it's the only way is nothing short of stunningly amazing as far as writing-wise goes.

Okay, so the Slender Man shows up, tells the Cold Boy that it is not their time, and then they leave the two protagonists to realize how lucky and close they were. And then Tav Lowe passes out, and Agnes thinks he's dead. Actually, he's not. He's in an alternate universe where Agnes and Liza Jane are both dead, Aladdin Sane is a jibbering wreck, Tav himself is a proxy, and the Quiet is eating the universe whole like it was a well-baked chocolate chip cookie. Then he wakes up in a hospital, and is told that all he was dreaming was a falsity. Then he meets Agnes, they agree to run, not away from Fears, but run towards the rest of their lives. 

In any case, what did I feel about this blog? In retrospect, this is the first of alliterator's thirty something blogs, and the progress shows, this being a very great work, and the remake so much better, but still very subpar in light of his newer works, such as Paranoia: A Manifesto, Case Study, and Break My Bones (a blog I really wish he would continue) and it does have something strikingly different from the rest of alliterator's works. I don't know, it doesn't have the alliterator FEEL to it... might be the title. I mean, alliterator's titles are all cleverly thought of pieces of philosophical and literary allusions of great significance, and you can tell when alliterator's influenced by Borges, which doesn't come across in this blog. However, it also showed the things that make alliterator one of the best bloggers in the Mythos. His characters. I loved all his characters. I loved how they interacted, how they showed their feelings in actions, not in words (save for Tav and, on occasion, Agnes) and the tension that happened when you knew scary shit was going to go down. Those all showed up later in better works, bu this is both his first blog in the Fear Mythos and the first Fearblog I read.

If I were to rate it, I'd give it a 7/10 (though the remake is really clever and has the Borges feel to it, and I would honestly rate a 9/10).

Next up is Eccentrically Bored.