Saturday, March 11, 2017

ZacksQuest Radio Show Review - Zoolaplex

Think about the state of the world we live in right now. Think of how many people aren't allowed to enjoy freedom, respect, and acknowledgement in the short time we all have here on this Earth. Gay conversion camps exist, breaches of freedom exist blatantly, women's health has suffered tremendously and recently a large swath of anti-Semitic hate crimes have swept our nation, in addition to a plethora of human rights violations. In conjunction with corporate greed, social apathy, and an unwillingness to accept problems in our world as what they are- problems- and ideologies that are outdated as what they are- obsolete- we find ourselves in a world still at this point in human development wracked with bigotry and lust and overall inhuman malice that could only be achievable by human measures. The world is getting hotter, things are dying out, peoples rights are getting stomped on, and this is all on a global scale that can't be ignored.

So let's not ignore it- instead, let's give an example on a smaller scale, about the size of a mid-sized city somewhere within the geological middle of the continental United States. Let's focus on a handful of characters working in the worst to endure yet most necessary industry man has ever devised: the service industry. This city is Cityville, the main foci of our documentary are the workers who are stuck working inside a theater multiplex dealing with customers ranging from the asinine to the obnoxious to the vitriolic, and their associated friends, family, and acquaintances. This is the setting for the show Zoolaplex, an audio drama that is as of writing in its second season. 

The first season aired on New Year's Day in January 2015 with it and the subsequent episode acting as a prologue set in early 2014, hilariously written and reminiscent of Kevin Smith's fim Clerks; you're introduced to the majority of the main cast with some exceptions, the customer interactions are funny, the interactions between the crew members are played for laughs. The situations involved are all light or played lightly- there is a drug dealer subplot in the first episode with a funny twist ending and the second episode revolves around the Zoolaplex's resident human resources and marketing guru, Alize Abendroth, trying to outthink Hollywood in order to beat other cineplexes to the advertizing punch (spoiler: never try to outfink Hollywood).

The third episode is set the month of its release more or less, and introduces one of the last main cast members that needed to appear, Ray McAllister, a young man trying hard to make the money to attend university and someone who you get to see come into his own throughout the series and begin to identify himself proudly as a member of the Zoolaplex staff; others are introduced throughout the series, clinical psychologist Sonia Labeau who becomes a close friend of (most of) the Zoolaplex staff in episode 4. Ray's stoner roommate Doug in episode 5, B-story main man Casey DeLaine in episode 6 who is unique and flamboyant and utterly and unabashedly his own self, a handful of important side characters who recur nearly as much as the main cast in episodes 7 and 8, and the last real major Zoolaplex staff member shows up in the season finale.

But you better hold your horses if you think this audio rodeo is all a big laughing stock. You're making assumptions based on your first impression, and that's a mistake you make that the show is very much aware of. In fact, it's one of the four main striking themes in Zoolaplex: there's more to everything than first meets the eye, progress brings about understanding, things that you think didn't affect anything will affect things farther down the line, and there's nothing more obvious to need but hard to achieve in this day and age as respect. You can see this clearly in the beginning by looking at how the characters change. They go from fairly two-dimensional comical caricatures, like slacker class clown who never grew out of the clown mentality Andy Evans, his cunning master charlatan sister Leanne, grumbling stoic pessimist extraordinaire Drake Moran, and violent robber-bashing supervisor Larry Crawford, all of whom more or less fight with each other and have snark-fests, to characters with complexity, emotional depth, a personality beyond just their stereotypical archetype. Starting with roughly episode five, you see more sides to the characters; you get a deeper understanding of Larry's mentality, you see more of Ray's current fragility and wishes to solidify himself, you don't quite understand why Drake is so vitriolic about the world as a whole but you realize pretty quickly that there's more to it than meets the eye and that something brought his state of mind about. You see more of them than you saw when the series was strictly humorous. Drake has a soft spot, Larry beyond the violent trait is a brother figure like no other and a wellspring of support, Leanne is basically a member of the staff herself even though she's not officially employed there. There's something beneath the surface of all these characters, and you're only starting to see the bigger picture. By the sixth episode, the interactions of the cast as a whole become clearer; they might be conflicting personalities, but they are a family to each other and they will help each other out without fail.

But that doesn't just apply to the characters; no no no, the idea of there being more to it than meets the eye is true for the entire show itself. It's not a gag-a-day show about shenanigans in a cinema with rowdy, obnoxious customers. You start seeing the comical shenanigans sort of go down two main avenues: a little more over-the-top and grander in scope, such as an army of zombie-like hipsters and a pseudo-religious cult brought about by- of all things- a union strike at a butter factory, and you start seeing episodes get a little more real, less based in humor. Episode four deals with character introspection, bringing a lot of the previously described deeper characterization to life. Episode five introduces the first of many realistically manipulative, despicable, bigoted villains, Charles Wickman, whose first action during his reveal is to manipulate an illegally immigrated cab driver trying to escape from a horrible life in his hoe country into giving him free fare, then ruining his life entirely for fun, then goes on to almost manipulate sexual favors, harass and belittle and spout slurs, and generally be scum of the earth. Don't worry- the further you go, the more people like Charles our group will encounter. In episode seven, we learn more about assistant manager Caroline's home life, and it is brutal without getting into detail. Episode eight deals with the darkest theme in the entire season, and it's played horribly straight, and the scars that are brought out in that episode come to light later on- and this is after the majority of the episode is already about the effects of something innocuous from the very first episode that you might have forgotten or passed over or just laughed about that causes real harm to people. This is the real power that the show has- things that you don't think affected anyone or anything, can and will. Things that you thought were just a situation of the week have a far longer reach than just the one episode and that things last. And even within the episodes situations that seemed silly become more complex- the hipster zombies are given a twinge of humanity paired with an important message on understanding and looking past stereotypes and public derision.

'But wait,' you say hypothetically, scratching your hypothetical head with hypothetical nails that hypothetically look like they need a good trimming, 'I thought this was a comedy show.' And I will answer this simply: no. No, it is not. There is certainly a comedy element to it throughout the entire series, and it never really goes away, but as you start progressing and seeing more into the lives of these characters and seeing them outside of the titular Zoolaplex, People get hurt, things happen. Laughs are given only because that's the human condition- we find things that are funny and use it to tether ourselves and steel ourselves to the brutal nature of man's inhumanity to man. Things that seemed funny at first even are given a darker twist later on down the line. The story goes from going over things that affect the Zoolaplex and the ability to work, such as the hipster zombies, a butter shortage and the butter cult, drug dealers, advertizing mishaps, and rats in the stockrooms, to dealing with things that affect something far more important: the people. And that's when you realize, it's not comedy. Dramedy, as it bills itself, doesn't even do it justice. It's a case study, on the state of our own world in a side that we barely see, with stretches in plausibility exaggerations that only seem outlandish because they're more or less geared in directions that aren't real stretches in plausibility we see and experience. It's even actually more accepting than our own world: Cityville's service industry workers actually do earn fifteen dollars an hour, harassment is legally permissable to be literally fought against, and there are actually women's centers. But the world is still a shitty place to live in, every bit as much as our own, considering that's exactly what it's based on. Sexual assault, bigotry, betrayal, bullying, mob mentality, and mental health are themes in the first season. Casey, the lovable B-story main man, goes from being a worker at the shipping company that shipped the butter that was targeted by the union-turned-cult and goes into a store encountering a scheme of embezzlement. Caroline's story is gone into more depth, Drake's story is revealed, a deeper understanding and bond between crew members is established, and it quickly becomes apparent that the only thing holding them together is each other and their support, and that their only defense against getting swept away in the big cosmic maelstrom of bigotry and condescension is an "us against the world" mentality.

Season two becomes more blatant. Body positivity, rape culture, misogyny, corporate greed, and the dichotomy between being free to say something and being free to be safe from blatant harassment, just to name a few. Plots from the first season come back in the second with a vengeance and a darker, more realistic twist, and more Charles-level douchebags come into the fray, including a couple someones with close personal ties to the main cast. As the series goes on, and it most assuredly will go on, it will only hit more of the much needed themes that need covering, including classism, sociopolitical and socioeconomic apathy torwards the underpriveleged and destitute and marginalized, and the capacity of corporations to cause harm; you see a small number of CEOs and corporate chairmen and board members, and they're either manipulative or selfish on a childish sense and it shows exactly how they operate on a corporate level. One character's tragic backstory is brought about by suffering caused by a particularly vile corporate action, and seeing how things seem to persist throughout the seasons and episodes so far and how things seem to get on a bigger and bigger scale the farther you look into things, it only seems plausible to state that more depth on the horrible actions of the upper class in the setting will become prominent. The show doesn't openly advocate for class warfare; it sends a message, of needing tolerance and respect and freedom to live your life the way you want to live it without oppression or manipulation or backhanded control by a power that uses its oppressive force to maintain that it's bigger than you. It sends it through the airwaves, via iTunes and YouTube and Soundcloud, and it's a message that starts every time with the dulcet tones of Honest Trailers' own Jon Bailey giving a snarky-as-hell content warning preface. And that's pretty cool.

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Grumble Grumble Grumble

Soooo... it's August already, dontcha know! And that means Summer is almost over.

Grrr... *bangs head on desk repeatedly*... this Summer was an arduous and boring one. I *was* actually a good deal more active than I was past summers, and I biked and swam more than I usually do. This is also the Summer where I started learning to drive, which is incredibly fun.

On the other hand, there are a lot of things I vowed to do I later on didn't.

I haven't gone to the beach.

I haven't attended FearCon.

I haven't got that comic published that I wanted. I never even STARTED filming the vlog.

I didn't even get back to working on my blogs or audio dramas.

I did do some voice acting over the summer, and I did have outdoors fun, but for the most part it was not.

For some reason, on July 20th or something like that, I suddenly had an existential crisis where I just went, "OH FUCKING SHIT" about my mortality. I'm only 16, I shouldn't be having those just yet. But I've been having it off and on, and anything I tried to enjoy only reminded me that eventually I would never be able to enjoy those things again. It got so bad that I resorted to watching My Little Pony so the sickening bright pastel colors could wipe the depression (on that note, My Little Pony is actually a rather decent show with intriguing, interesting characters and a fairly fun magical utopian environment, with the odd complex story thrown into the Blues Clues morals- still, SO FUCKING PASTEL MY EYES). And then the Pinkie one sang a song about making people "Smile, smile, smile" and for some reason that depressed me even more.

However, after that I realized that voice acting was not just a hobby, nor was acting in general. I can't find solace in numbers or science, no matter how proficient I am with them. I've always been interested in the English language, but writing was always ever only a means to vent. I never cared too much about writing, and I usually have occasional flashes of inspiration followed by a month or so (let's say... all of July... :T) of absolutely nothing in particular. I've always wanted to be an actor, or a voice actor, or SOMETHING along those lines. And since I found my purpose, especially since it's a job so fun and so varied my comparably short lifespan will seem to last forever in my mind.

SO. Ontological and Jordan Eats Normally Now reviews are both finished, but I need to release them in increments. I need to talk to my comic artist Marinda about maybe starting up that project again, and kudos with the audio drama. Bike and swim as MUCH as humanly possible, as well as go down to West Virginia/Virginia for some Whitewater rafting fun and ziplining before it's too late.

Then go back to school. Proceed to continue blogging. Check up on the four things I auditioned for, see if I got into any of them. Get bored of blogging. Talk with Marinda about comic and being a voice actor in her series. Do homework. Play zombie tag. Get into BCT or Xenia theatre production. Halloween. Watch Beware the Batman. Continue Blogging. Possibly release a comic or see a voice role get released (possibly for pay). Christmas. New Years. The year starts all over again.

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Voice Acting

Okay, so I've been holding off blogging for a long time, both on this personal blog, and with fictional blogs in any of the Mythoi I've been writing for. And I know it's infuriating to people who I work with on world building like the people in the Holders Series or Acelegin and his Danielverse, and I have one semi-good reason for it.

Voice acting, voice-over work, what have you. Let me tell you that, even with the almost euphoric release of emotions that venting through writing gives me, my lifelong dream is to be a voice actor of some caliber. Work with the likes of Dee Bradley Baker, John DiMaggio, Tom Kenny, etc. So, basically, I've been taking a good deal of roles right now, I've been doing read-throughs of blogs, working in audio drama, and auditioning for as much as possible so I can gain experience, money, and most importantly... more experience.

I've been in a handful of stage performances, two of which (one is Geoffrey Chaucer's Flying Circus and the other is It's A Wonderful Life) I've played the main secondary character, but it's not enough to come even close to getting enough experience to put enough emotion into voice.

I have done voice acting before. A lot of the vocal work I've done has, sadly, not been released to the public.

Roles, like Joseph and Brall in Resident Evil- The Parody and The Red Wolf, respectively, have been part of works that have not been released to the general public, save maybe an episode. Roles like Constable Christopher Franklin in Blackburn Gaslight Adventures hasn't come out yet and are still mixing, and I'm still trying out for works like Bluebeard, Complete Isolation, Scarlet Soul and probably whatever I can find. One role, Antonio Migliosi from Jim Nolan, P.I., I did the work for but fell sadly short in mic quality (no pop filter, and my computer caused a whining noise in everything at the time), so I was replaced and for good reason. So hopefully, in about a year or two's time I will have enough experience, money, and confidence to enter the risky world of voice over artistry.

There are, of course, a few problems with that.

A.) Schooling and Other Work- I am still in high school, and I haven't put that much forward to the idea of college. Of course, voice-over artists don't get their whole income through voice acting, and the few who do like Tom Kenny didn't start off that way. I need to get scholarships or do work or at least take a year or two of community college before I start out. Of course, on VAA, there ARE paying works I can do, and places like Kroger, McDonalds, and Wal-Mart are all places that hire fairly easily for hard, diligent work.

B.) Location- I live in Ohio. Not in the middle of the sticks or in Wyoming or up in Alaska or the Yukon, mind, but it's still far away from the major hubs of voice acting activity (New York, Los Angeles, Toronto, Vancouver). The closest cities that have a good number of voice acting opportunities are, in order from closest to farthest, are Richmond, Toronto, and Chicago, and they are ALL at least three hours away. If I have to move instead of take the occasional flight down to do a single episode or a single audition, or just set up a recording studio in my home instead of flying out there, it's going to definitely require I get genuine schooling and get a hell of a lot of money.

C.) Experience- I don't have much in this regard. Yeah, I have about ten or so stageplays under my belt, and I have done work, both released and otherwise, official and otherwise, paying and otherwise, in voice, but it's simply not enough. It's not enough to fill a demo tape or two, which I need to send to talent agents who I need to find roles within my range.

Of course, I'll keep writing for the Fear Mythos, but I'm taking a break, possibly short, possibly longer, until I find my foothold in voice acting or not. I'm doing work within the Fear Mythos, too, from writing my own audio drama scripts to doing read-throughs of Alliterator's blogs, doing the voice of a private detective in Pandora/Espequin/I-Don't-Even-Know-Anymore's Reaper Series, and I'm eventually going to do things like read the Drayton Files, or perhaps OH GOD THE RAPTURE IS BURNING.

But baby steps.

Eventually.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

ZacksQuest Reviews- Eccentrically Bored, Part Three of Three

Okay. After that *brief* respite, we come back to the conclusion of Eccentrically Bored. How does this third and final part of the review start?

"Who is this irresistible creature who has an insatiable love for the dead? LIVING DEAD GIRL." (Eccentrically Bored)

You're goddamn right it's Rob Zombie. And then Joey Steward once again did something stupid, by getting rid of the drugs and forgetting about the intense and hallucination-filled withdrawal period. He starts by meeting an eldritch version of Long Cat. I shit you not. Honestly, the way he describes the whole nightmare and the very next post, where he's going through complete painful withdrawal and wants to have the pills back so he can stop caring again. He's having incredibly painful headaches, shakes, hallucinations, and he just wants the pills back.
Then comes along C. Honestly, I hated reading C and her comments, because as far as I was concerned, this person was forcibly inserting herself into his problems, and I usually HATE it when people do that with me. If the dumbass gets his fool self killed, sucks to be him for catching a Fear's attention. And the anonymous commenter deserves a high five, possible Timberwolf or not.
And then let's move onto the next page and

O HAI SLONDERMEHN. o.e
In any case, Joey Steward finds the blog brighter than a spoon as reviewed earlier in my blog. He starts trying to determine who The Archangel is. And then C finally says it straight. "Hey. I'm running from the Archangel. Let's team up, brainstorm, and if we can't figure out a way to fuck over the Archangel then we become running buddies like Tav and Agnes," to which Joey replies, "Sure, m'kay, whatever you annoying trollop."
Finally, we learned about Crystal. She's Crystal, a straight-headed, deeply troubled young woman whose life has been destroyed by The Archangel himself. She's also much older and MUCH more mature than this asshat, forcible entry into the plot notwithstanding.
She lived in French-Canada when she saw The Archangel in a cemetery when her brother was killed in a car crash. Then she kept seeing him. And then, at a party, he openly tried killing her. Then the Archangel started sending her notes involving embracing the Archangel (excellent way to ask someone out Archie. Excellent way. -_-). In any case, she also was haunted by the Archangel taking the form of her dead loved ones. I can definitely see the correlation between The Archangel and The First Evil in this story, and honestly it suits The Afterlife Incarnate very well.
The very next post has Archie's human worshipper cronies hacking J.S' account. I'm sorry, but the "My account was hacked" scenario is overused to the point of annoyance, and besides, they had a You-Tube account. And in order to have a You-Tube account they had to have had an e-mail account. Couldn't they have said overt, threatening stuff to Joey over e-mail? Or maybe a rock through the window with a note tied to it? Nevermind, I'm getting ahead of myself. Granted, it turns out the Archangel made the post himself (...wut) and also took a video and posted it to YouTube. First of all, I both lost respect and gained respect for the Archangel in this post. He lost scary points with me, but he gained trendy points as well, creating some kind of equilibrium of coolness and creepiness. Anyways, then we go to the single fucking scariest post in the entire goddamn blog.
 
Rabbits. Goddamn Rabbits.
 
I just- I don't even. Just look at it for yourself. It notes two weird things, and let's just say the first far trumps the second. So now Steward and Crystal have formed a "We-Are-So-Fucking-Fucked" Alliance and started looking for work outside a Home Depot.  And... we have no fucking clue what Crystal's selling at this point in time. He then does carpenting work and this time the employer bummed him off.
 
(Also, I would like to note that, alongside the fact that the Archangel's the afterlife itself, the first name Joseph and the work as a carpenter also sway towards THEOLOGICAL SYMBOLISM. And if LizardBite says that wasn't intended, I say "Death of the Author" trope, dammit, which means I can add as many bullshit metaphors and think of as many symbols in this story as I goddamn please!)
 
Oh, and then the two go to a fancy hotel in a new state and Joey is seemingly high as fuck and/or Slendertaken. Obviously, Crystal found out, intervened, fought with Joey, kept him from getting Slendertaken or at least for a little while longer, flushed those goddamn pills he found down the toilet, listened to him rant about how they should all embrace the Archangel, then watched him pass out. And then Crystal says this:

"Shit, I don't know what the hell those pills are, but they aren't natural. I'm pretty sure they were the same ones he was taking before I met him. They can cause addiction after just a few uses, and then get your body dependent on them so much that you go into withdrawal after a couple hours without a dose. That's not normal no matter how you slice it. Trust me, I'd know." (Eccentrically Bored)

Though seriously, as far as I'm concerned, Crystal shouldn't be intervening in JS's life, man. He shold just go with the flow and be taken to an eternal white room of nothingness like the rest of us and make his own ignorant mistakes and get fucked over for them. Is that too much to ask, just let the dumbass suffer? ...I suppose so, and it's futile to keep asking, as the blog has been written and shelved for two years, but I can hope.
So now Crystal is like Joey's maternal figure (I will now call her Red, as she's Canadian and has a very motherly nature) and makes sure he can't get ahold of pills anymore... then Crystal gets JS drunk off his ass. -.- Crystal, in the time frame of ONE post, you've lost the right to be attributed to Red. :I
And then the Archangel hacks JS' account- again- and Crystal notices that she's not the prude here- it's Joey Steward himself! ...well, that was honestly a surprise. She also explains her reasoning to get him drunk, begs for forgiveness, shamalamadingdong and a comment chain later and JS is celebrating his birthday... but then he hears a knock at the door.
Okay, so Joey opened the door to say hello to two drug dealers who think Crystal's the one making the Angel drug. They pistol whip the fuck out of Steward and tie him to a chair. Then the door opens and Crystal walks in. She then gets shot in the leg and then Slender Man and Archie both realize that their quarry is being hunted by mere mortals and it's time to fucking kill these interlopers. And they get hardcore, man. People get disembowled, heads explode, and the two protagonists themselves get shot at. And you know what sucks about this? It was, in the end, all Crystal's fault. She was selling the goddamn Angel drug, knowing it was highly addictive and she's kind of being hypocritical here.
In any case, Crystal has been telling us a story about how she's spent seven years running for her life and suffering, prostituting herself, stealing, and selling other drugs just to get by. She then explains that a long time ago she got a message from the Archangel and realized that Archie, Slendy, and any other eldritch thingemahoo that was in the area were all playing an eldritch, Blue and Orange Morality kind of game, and Joey and Crystal are all pawns in this, explaining Joey's "we are the pieces" bullshit. And then she says she's probably about to get captured by one or the other, i.e. get her ass killed off.
Joey knows that she's suffering from gangrene, and he's getting conflicted between leaving her there and going off on his own. And to make everything fucking worse, the Rake's popping his Bel-Shamharoth-shaped piece on the board.
Finally, The Archangel finally got his claws into Crystal. As much as I hated Crystal at this point... it was sad to see her go. I don't know. It's that- well, she and he have suffered through a lot together, and they were both assholes together, and well- she was a good, well-rounded character, with pros and cons like everyone else and makes her death so tragic, save Joey's "deaddeaddeaddeaddead" stereotypical babble... excusable babble, but still. Joey calls out Archie to come after him, and so he does come to Joey, in the form of Crystal. Then they do some soulgazing straight out of the goddamn Dresden Files and Joey realizes that he's not dealing with some regular eldritch spook or creep. He was fucking with most of the world's equivalent to God. And then Slender Man kicked the Archangel's ass and kept Archie from killing Joey.
Afterwards, Joey accepts the Slender Man's proxification ceremony and then killed his whole family with a kitchen knife. Which... well, what he says afterwards, about them "simply ceasing"... scares the fuck out of me. I mean... existentiality is what makes us us. Most of us want some sort of consciousness or anything after we die, not just eternal lack of conscience, no sight, sound, smell, feel, taste, or thought, just nothing. No, not even nothing, less than nothing. This is why the Archangel scares me. Complete and total lack of consciousness comes for us, no matter how much we try to fight it, and our souls fade and die, and while we live on through our contributions to the world, in the end the stars will all go out, the last carbon atom will fade away and nobody will be alive to have ever cared about you. This is why the Archangel is in my top 10 list of favorite Fears. In my mind, he's the third scariest of all of them, save The Choir and The Quiet, and the Quiet only because as opposed to eternal unconsciousness, it's more of a "you never existed and your works your dreams all that is now rendered nothingness by one being".
In conclusion, I really think this blog is a classic and paved the way for the Mythos proper. It may have had a cynical piece-o'-shit protagonist, but he was a well-written cynical piece-o'-shit protagonist that knows he's a jerkwad at times and is at points sympathetic, and the fact that he eventually starts getting slaughter-happy is heavily reminiscent of Jack Torrance from Stephen King's The Shining. Even Crystal, as much as I hated her clingy intrusive attitude, I did think she had a well plotted and almost depressing backstory, just like Joey does. The scares, especially the hallucinations Joey Steward has and the Rabbits post, are enticingly horrifying, and like I said, whilst the first dozen posts are sub-par at best, you see LizardBite's work improve, and improve, and IMPROVE to one of the most satisfying melancholy endings/segues I have ever read.
For ratings, I would have to average out the three "acts" that I divided the review into.
The first act gets a shocking 5/10 for its stretched exposition, watered down scares, and my personal hatred of Joey Steward, the second act gets a much better 7/10 for its introduction to the plot, its portrayal of Steward's addiction to the drug, and the original plot, and the final act gets a spectacular 10/10 for its spectacular scares, characterization, and ending, which averages out to the whole blog getting a 7/10, not the best blog I ever read, the first third of the blog being the anchor that bogs it down, but it's satisfying and I'd suggest reading the whole blog for yourself. It's worth it.
I'm not going directly into Hidden in the Trees, as I'm planning on reviewing The Big Three, then seven of the other more prominent original blogs, meaning the next review is of- well- Jordan Eats Normally Now. I will say I've not ever read this blog before, so this'll be an experience for all of us. All of us. All... all of us.
Us us us us us JOIN US.
*Ahem* Sorry 'bout that, I was just practicing my Camper speech.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Off-Topic- The Canterbury Tales (or, Geoffrey Chaucer's Flying Circus)

O' what glorious creation is this! Ah, nothing more divine and holy has ever been previously viewed upon! It is a Pythonization of the classic 14th Century unfinished literary masterwork. It includes such glorious things as an Elvis knight, an Ozzy Osbourne knight, cross-eyed kazoo knights, a car-dealer pardoner, a failed stand-up comedian priest, a red-mohawked bandit, a painfully offensive Miller, and the lazy, procrastinating asshole Chaucer himself, as well as the calm-headed, wisecracking inkeeper Harry Bailley. As well as a whole cast and crew of
I myself play the roles of Geoffrey Chaucer, the blue Kazoo Player, and Horse That Is Sat Upon #1.

Behold, the Trailer of Trailerness!

Saturday, April 6, 2013

ZacksQuest Contemplates- The Cold Boy

I came to the checklist of Fears I can either praise or roast, and someone told me to review the Cold Boy. And lo and behold, here I am... doing... that.
Okay, let me get this off my chest. Just like the Plague Doctor, the Cold Boy is on my personal top ten list of Fears. And for good reason. He's a Fear I can find no trouble in writing, no matter how I feel and no matter the circumstance. Also, he's the spirit of loneliness and being forgotten by others, left on the sidewalk and waiting for a lonely, loveless end. That's a fear that hits really close to home for a number of reasons, and the fact that there are children freezing to death, lonely, forgotten, maybe even abused. He's also incredibly creepy. You can say he has a... chill factor.
Okay, stop throwing the tomatoes, I'll stop making puns... thanks for giving me the cold should- OH FINE.
The Cold Boy appears as a lonely young child, either with a rosy-cheeked slightly cyan-tinted face, or a garish, cracked-open frostbitten nightmare face. Either or. He can wear a striped shirt, a turtleneck, a Huck Finn straw hat (surprisingly very fitting), shoeless, torn open socks... his wardrobe doesn't matter, though. He also spouts the most terrifying nursery rhymes this side of Homicidal Mother Goose, and he has the tendency to reach out to the lonely... and freeze them. Not cool for someone who just wants friends, Cold Boy. Not cool at all, broseph...
...oh God no pun intended nopunintendednopuninTIHJAUGH FUCK MAN. A SHOTPUT!?
However, there is a complaint I have about the Cold Boy. I seem to notice that, in all the time I have read blogs with the Cold Boy, he is either a cunning, terrifying abomination, or the most sympathetic eldritch being ever to exist. Either he's out for blood, with a terrifying, cracked-open frostbitten face and a disturbingly innocent smile, OR he's a poor little lost kid who needs a friend. I believe that there is an equilibrium... some middle ground where he's both terrifying and sympathetic, and you have the perfect mixture for a well rounded abomination.
His servants are Children of the Cold. Children who serve the Cold Boy who were lonely in human life and also have the abilities of the Cold Boy himself, minus the immortality and fairly less powerful than The Cold Boy. As far as I'm concerned... the Children of the Cold are actually pretty cool in some cases, but at the end of the day, creepy, disturbing, powerful, or no, they're basically little armies of Cold Boy clones... which is honestly a horrifying thought I shall never relate anything to again.
In conclusion, I love the Cold Boy, his possibilities, the way he can be molded into a fine shape, and what he symbolizes. However, it seems he can only either be written creepy or written tame, and his Servants are not what they could be. Oh well. Maybe a blog will come along and change all that. The spectacular blog that will come down when a great blogger finds the grey between the black and white of the Cold Boy's possible appearances.

Blogs I Reccomend:


Wednesday, April 3, 2013

ZacksQuest Contemplates- The Plague Doctor

Welcome to the first of the ZacksQuest Contemplates- where I talk about Fears, what I like about them, what I dislike about them, and what I would do if I wasn't too damn lazy to write a Fearblog. I'll talk about many aspects: I usually talk about the vanilla aspect of the Fear a lot, but I also talk about chocolate, sprinkles, bananna fudge, blood, visceral fluid, eldritch energy drink, and clear.
Our first contender up on the examination booth is the Plague Doctor.
Ah, the Plague Doctor. Many people know he's among my top ten favorite Fears, probably around the five or six spot, and for very good reason- he controls illness, the leading cause of all death in the universe ever, from the smallest amoeba to the largest outbreak of swine flu. And he's fucking creepy.
His appearance is unoriginal, but forgiving, as he walks/floats/looms around in a medieval plague doctor's outfit, complete with a wide-brimmed hat and in some interpretations a cloak made of sentient bacteria that eat any and all bio-organic matter that pass near it.
He can control illness itself in all its forms, and this causes some serious paranoia problems for me as someone with definite problems with my immune system. He is also known to spread hypochondria, which is not a disease. Nope. He instills the fear of himself and what he represents inside you before he comes back to feast upon your oozing lesions... too far. It doesn't even have to be a physical issue. He can probably make your cells metasticize with simply a touch, and can give you a slew of mental health problems.
Another little aspect of his power comes in the fact that he has legions (not to be confused with lesions, which is a festering oval-like sore that I just mentioned in the above paragraph) of homicidal doctors who have sworn to violate the Hippocratic Oath, known as Oathbreakers. These people spread around plagues and death like its confetti, and the fact that these are people that the populace goes to for assistance and help makes it... just a tad jarring.
Honestly, I love the Plague Doctor. He is pestilence incarnate (which is a title sadly given to the Intrusion, which I think is undeserved of the mass of not-quite-creepy crawlies) and the amount of paranoia and body horror that he gives off. He is among my favorite beings in the Fear Mythos.
Really Good Blogs to Read: