Soooo... it's August already, dontcha know! And that means Summer is almost over.
Grrr... *bangs head on desk repeatedly*... this Summer was an arduous and boring one. I *was* actually a good deal more active than I was past summers, and I biked and swam more than I usually do. This is also the Summer where I started learning to drive, which is incredibly fun.
On the other hand, there are a lot of things I vowed to do I later on didn't.
I haven't gone to the beach.
I haven't attended FearCon.
I haven't got that comic published that I wanted. I never even STARTED filming the vlog.
I didn't even get back to working on my blogs or audio dramas.
I did do some voice acting over the summer, and I did have outdoors fun, but for the most part it was not.
For some reason, on July 20th or something like that, I suddenly had an existential crisis where I just went, "OH FUCKING SHIT" about my mortality. I'm only 16, I shouldn't be having those just yet. But I've been having it off and on, and anything I tried to enjoy only reminded me that eventually I would never be able to enjoy those things again. It got so bad that I resorted to watching My Little Pony so the sickening bright pastel colors could wipe the depression (on that note, My Little Pony is actually a rather decent show with intriguing, interesting characters and a fairly fun magical utopian environment, with the odd complex story thrown into the Blues Clues morals- still, SO FUCKING PASTEL MY EYES). And then the Pinkie one sang a song about making people "Smile, smile, smile" and for some reason that depressed me even more.
However, after that I realized that voice acting was not just a hobby, nor was acting in general. I can't find solace in numbers or science, no matter how proficient I am with them. I've always been interested in the English language, but writing was always ever only a means to vent. I never cared too much about writing, and I usually have occasional flashes of inspiration followed by a month or so (let's say... all of July... :T) of absolutely nothing in particular. I've always wanted to be an actor, or a voice actor, or SOMETHING along those lines. And since I found my purpose, especially since it's a job so fun and so varied my comparably short lifespan will seem to last forever in my mind.
SO. Ontological and Jordan Eats Normally Now reviews are both finished, but I need to release them in increments. I need to talk to my comic artist Marinda about maybe starting up that project again, and kudos with the audio drama. Bike and swim as MUCH as humanly possible, as well as go down to West Virginia/Virginia for some Whitewater rafting fun and ziplining before it's too late.
Then go back to school. Proceed to continue blogging. Check up on the four things I auditioned for, see if I got into any of them. Get bored of blogging. Talk with Marinda about comic and being a voice actor in her series. Do homework. Play zombie tag. Get into BCT or Xenia theatre production. Halloween. Watch Beware the Batman. Continue Blogging. Possibly release a comic or see a voice role get released (possibly for pay). Christmas. New Years. The year starts all over again.
Sunday, August 4, 2013
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Voice Acting
Okay, so I've been holding off blogging for a long time, both on this personal blog, and with fictional blogs in any of the Mythoi I've been writing for. And I know it's infuriating to people who I work with on world building like the people in the Holders Series or Acelegin and his Danielverse, and I have one semi-good reason for it.
Voice acting, voice-over work, what have you. Let me tell you that, even with the almost euphoric release of emotions that venting through writing gives me, my lifelong dream is to be a voice actor of some caliber. Work with the likes of Dee Bradley Baker, John DiMaggio, Tom Kenny, etc. So, basically, I've been taking a good deal of roles right now, I've been doing read-throughs of blogs, working in audio drama, and auditioning for as much as possible so I can gain experience, money, and most importantly... more experience.
I've been in a handful of stage performances, two of which (one is Geoffrey Chaucer's Flying Circus and the other is It's A Wonderful Life) I've played the main secondary character, but it's not enough to come even close to getting enough experience to put enough emotion into voice.
I have done voice acting before. A lot of the vocal work I've done has, sadly, not been released to the public.
Roles, like Joseph and Brall in Resident Evil- The Parody and The Red Wolf, respectively, have been part of works that have not been released to the general public, save maybe an episode. Roles like Constable Christopher Franklin in Blackburn Gaslight Adventures hasn't come out yet and are still mixing, and I'm still trying out for works like Bluebeard, Complete Isolation, Scarlet Soul and probably whatever I can find. One role, Antonio Migliosi from Jim Nolan, P.I., I did the work for but fell sadly short in mic quality (no pop filter, and my computer caused a whining noise in everything at the time), so I was replaced and for good reason. So hopefully, in about a year or two's time I will have enough experience, money, and confidence to enter the risky world of voice over artistry.
There are, of course, a few problems with that.
A.) Schooling and Other Work- I am still in high school, and I haven't put that much forward to the idea of college. Of course, voice-over artists don't get their whole income through voice acting, and the few who do like Tom Kenny didn't start off that way. I need to get scholarships or do work or at least take a year or two of community college before I start out. Of course, on VAA, there ARE paying works I can do, and places like Kroger, McDonalds, and Wal-Mart are all places that hire fairly easily for hard, diligent work.
B.) Location- I live in Ohio. Not in the middle of the sticks or in Wyoming or up in Alaska or the Yukon, mind, but it's still far away from the major hubs of voice acting activity (New York, Los Angeles, Toronto, Vancouver). The closest cities that have a good number of voice acting opportunities are, in order from closest to farthest, are Richmond, Toronto, and Chicago, and they are ALL at least three hours away. If I have to move instead of take the occasional flight down to do a single episode or a single audition, or just set up a recording studio in my home instead of flying out there, it's going to definitely require I get genuine schooling and get a hell of a lot of money.
C.) Experience- I don't have much in this regard. Yeah, I have about ten or so stageplays under my belt, and I have done work, both released and otherwise, official and otherwise, paying and otherwise, in voice, but it's simply not enough. It's not enough to fill a demo tape or two, which I need to send to talent agents who I need to find roles within my range.
Of course, I'll keep writing for the Fear Mythos, but I'm taking a break, possibly short, possibly longer, until I find my foothold in voice acting or not. I'm doing work within the Fear Mythos, too, from writing my own audio drama scripts to doing read-throughs of Alliterator's blogs, doing the voice of a private detective in Pandora/Espequin/I-Don't-Even-Know-Anymore's Reaper Series, and I'm eventually going to do things like read the Drayton Files, or perhaps OH GOD THE RAPTURE IS BURNING.
But baby steps.
Eventually.
Voice acting, voice-over work, what have you. Let me tell you that, even with the almost euphoric release of emotions that venting through writing gives me, my lifelong dream is to be a voice actor of some caliber. Work with the likes of Dee Bradley Baker, John DiMaggio, Tom Kenny, etc. So, basically, I've been taking a good deal of roles right now, I've been doing read-throughs of blogs, working in audio drama, and auditioning for as much as possible so I can gain experience, money, and most importantly... more experience.
I've been in a handful of stage performances, two of which (one is Geoffrey Chaucer's Flying Circus and the other is It's A Wonderful Life) I've played the main secondary character, but it's not enough to come even close to getting enough experience to put enough emotion into voice.
I have done voice acting before. A lot of the vocal work I've done has, sadly, not been released to the public.
Roles, like Joseph and Brall in Resident Evil- The Parody and The Red Wolf, respectively, have been part of works that have not been released to the general public, save maybe an episode. Roles like Constable Christopher Franklin in Blackburn Gaslight Adventures hasn't come out yet and are still mixing, and I'm still trying out for works like Bluebeard, Complete Isolation, Scarlet Soul and probably whatever I can find. One role, Antonio Migliosi from Jim Nolan, P.I., I did the work for but fell sadly short in mic quality (no pop filter, and my computer caused a whining noise in everything at the time), so I was replaced and for good reason. So hopefully, in about a year or two's time I will have enough experience, money, and confidence to enter the risky world of voice over artistry.
There are, of course, a few problems with that.
A.) Schooling and Other Work- I am still in high school, and I haven't put that much forward to the idea of college. Of course, voice-over artists don't get their whole income through voice acting, and the few who do like Tom Kenny didn't start off that way. I need to get scholarships or do work or at least take a year or two of community college before I start out. Of course, on VAA, there ARE paying works I can do, and places like Kroger, McDonalds, and Wal-Mart are all places that hire fairly easily for hard, diligent work.
B.) Location- I live in Ohio. Not in the middle of the sticks or in Wyoming or up in Alaska or the Yukon, mind, but it's still far away from the major hubs of voice acting activity (New York, Los Angeles, Toronto, Vancouver). The closest cities that have a good number of voice acting opportunities are, in order from closest to farthest, are Richmond, Toronto, and Chicago, and they are ALL at least three hours away. If I have to move instead of take the occasional flight down to do a single episode or a single audition, or just set up a recording studio in my home instead of flying out there, it's going to definitely require I get genuine schooling and get a hell of a lot of money.
C.) Experience- I don't have much in this regard. Yeah, I have about ten or so stageplays under my belt, and I have done work, both released and otherwise, official and otherwise, paying and otherwise, in voice, but it's simply not enough. It's not enough to fill a demo tape or two, which I need to send to talent agents who I need to find roles within my range.
Of course, I'll keep writing for the Fear Mythos, but I'm taking a break, possibly short, possibly longer, until I find my foothold in voice acting or not. I'm doing work within the Fear Mythos, too, from writing my own audio drama scripts to doing read-throughs of Alliterator's blogs, doing the voice of a private detective in Pandora/Espequin/I-Don't-Even-Know-Anymore's Reaper Series, and I'm eventually going to do things like read the Drayton Files, or perhaps OH GOD THE RAPTURE IS BURNING.
But baby steps.
Eventually.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
ZacksQuest Reviews- Eccentrically Bored, Part Three of Three
Okay. After that *brief* respite, we come back to the conclusion of Eccentrically Bored. How does this third and final part of the review start?
You're goddamn right it's Rob Zombie. And then Joey Steward once again did something stupid, by getting rid of the drugs and forgetting about the intense and hallucination-filled withdrawal period. He starts by meeting an eldritch version of Long Cat. I shit you not. Honestly, the way he describes the whole nightmare and the very next post, where he's going through complete painful withdrawal and wants to have the pills back so he can stop caring again. He's having incredibly painful headaches, shakes, hallucinations, and he just wants the pills back.
Then comes along C. Honestly, I hated reading C and her comments, because as far as I was concerned, this person was forcibly inserting herself into his problems, and I usually HATE it when people do that with me. If the dumbass gets his fool self killed, sucks to be him for catching a Fear's attention. And the anonymous commenter deserves a high five, possible Timberwolf or not.
And then let's move onto the next page and
O HAI SLONDERMEHN. o.e
In any case, Joey Steward finds the blog brighter than a spoon as reviewed earlier in my blog. He starts trying to determine who The Archangel is. And then C finally says it straight. "Hey. I'm running from the Archangel. Let's team up, brainstorm, and if we can't figure out a way to fuck over the Archangel then we become running buddies like Tav and Agnes," to which Joey replies, "Sure, m'kay, whatever you annoying trollop."
Finally, we learned about Crystal. She's Crystal, a straight-headed, deeply troubled young woman whose life has been destroyed by The Archangel himself. She's also much older and MUCH more mature than this asshat, forcible entry into the plot notwithstanding.
She lived in French-Canada when she saw The Archangel in a cemetery when her brother was killed in a car crash. Then she kept seeing him. And then, at a party, he openly tried killing her. Then the Archangel started sending her notes involving embracing the Archangel (excellent way to ask someone out Archie. Excellent way. -_-). In any case, she also was haunted by the Archangel taking the form of her dead loved ones. I can definitely see the correlation between The Archangel and The First Evil in this story, and honestly it suits The Afterlife Incarnate very well.
The very next post has Archie's human worshipper cronies hacking J.S' account. I'm sorry, but the "My account was hacked" scenario is overused to the point of annoyance, and besides, they had a You-Tube account. And in order to have a You-Tube account they had to have had an e-mail account. Couldn't they have said overt, threatening stuff to Joey over e-mail? Or maybe a rock through the window with a note tied to it? Nevermind, I'm getting ahead of myself. Granted, it turns out the Archangel made the post himself (...wut) and also took a video and posted it to YouTube. First of all, I both lost respect and gained respect for the Archangel in this post. He lost scary points with me, but he gained trendy points as well, creating some kind of equilibrium of coolness and creepiness. Anyways, then we go to the single fucking scariest post in the entire goddamn blog.
Rabbits. Goddamn Rabbits.
I just- I don't even. Just look at it for yourself. It notes two weird things, and let's just say the first far trumps the second. So now Steward and Crystal have formed a "We-Are-So-Fucking-Fucked" Alliance and started looking for work outside a Home Depot. And... we have no fucking clue what Crystal's selling at this point in time. He then does carpenting work and this time the employer bummed him off.
(Also, I would like to note that, alongside the fact that the Archangel's the afterlife itself, the first name Joseph and the work as a carpenter also sway towards THEOLOGICAL SYMBOLISM. And if LizardBite says that wasn't intended, I say "Death of the Author" trope, dammit, which means I can add as many bullshit metaphors and think of as many symbols in this story as I goddamn please!)
Oh, and then the two go to a fancy hotel in a new state and Joey is seemingly high as fuck and/or Slendertaken. Obviously, Crystal found out, intervened, fought with Joey, kept him from getting Slendertaken or at least for a little while longer, flushed those goddamn pills he found down the toilet, listened to him rant about how they should all embrace the Archangel, then watched him pass out. And then Crystal says this:
Though seriously, as far as I'm concerned, Crystal shouldn't be intervening in JS's life, man. He shold just go with the flow and be taken to an eternal white room of nothingness like the rest of us and make his own ignorant mistakes and get fucked over for them. Is that too much to ask, just let the dumbass suffer? ...I suppose so, and it's futile to keep asking, as the blog has been written and shelved for two years, but I can hope.
So now Crystal is like Joey's maternal figure (I will now call her Red, as she's Canadian and has a very motherly nature) and makes sure he can't get ahold of pills anymore... then Crystal gets JS drunk off his ass. -.- Crystal, in the time frame of ONE post, you've lost the right to be attributed to Red. :I
And then the Archangel hacks JS' account- again- and Crystal notices that she's not the prude here- it's Joey Steward himself! ...well, that was honestly a surprise. She also explains her reasoning to get him drunk, begs for forgiveness, shamalamadingdong and a comment chain later and JS is celebrating his birthday... but then he hears a knock at the door.
Okay, so Joey opened the door to say hello to two drug dealers who think Crystal's the one making the Angel drug. They pistol whip the fuck out of Steward and tie him to a chair. Then the door opens and Crystal walks in. She then gets shot in the leg and then Slender Man and Archie both realize that their quarry is being hunted by mere mortals and it's time to fucking kill these interlopers. And they get hardcore, man. People get disembowled, heads explode, and the two protagonists themselves get shot at. And you know what sucks about this? It was, in the end, all Crystal's fault. She was selling the goddamn Angel drug, knowing it was highly addictive and she's kind of being hypocritical here.
In any case, Crystal has been telling us a story about how she's spent seven years running for her life and suffering, prostituting herself, stealing, and selling other drugs just to get by. She then explains that a long time ago she got a message from the Archangel and realized that Archie, Slendy, and any other eldritch thingemahoo that was in the area were all playing an eldritch, Blue and Orange Morality kind of game, and Joey and Crystal are all pawns in this, explaining Joey's "we are the pieces" bullshit. And then she says she's probably about to get captured by one or the other, i.e. get her ass killed off.
Joey knows that she's suffering from gangrene, and he's getting conflicted between leaving her there and going off on his own. And to make everything fucking worse, the Rake's popping his Bel-Shamharoth-shaped piece on the board.
Finally, The Archangel finally got his claws into Crystal. As much as I hated Crystal at this point... it was sad to see her go. I don't know. It's that- well, she and he have suffered through a lot together, and they were both assholes together, and well- she was a good, well-rounded character, with pros and cons like everyone else and makes her death so tragic, save Joey's "deaddeaddeaddeaddead" stereotypical babble... excusable babble, but still. Joey calls out Archie to come after him, and so he does come to Joey, in the form of Crystal. Then they do some soulgazing straight out of the goddamn Dresden Files and Joey realizes that he's not dealing with some regular eldritch spook or creep. He was fucking with most of the world's equivalent to God. And then Slender Man kicked the Archangel's ass and kept Archie from killing Joey.
Afterwards, Joey accepts the Slender Man's proxification ceremony and then killed his whole family with a kitchen knife. Which... well, what he says afterwards, about them "simply ceasing"... scares the fuck out of me. I mean... existentiality is what makes us us. Most of us want some sort of consciousness or anything after we die, not just eternal lack of conscience, no sight, sound, smell, feel, taste, or thought, just nothing. No, not even nothing, less than nothing. This is why the Archangel scares me. Complete and total lack of consciousness comes for us, no matter how much we try to fight it, and our souls fade and die, and while we live on through our contributions to the world, in the end the stars will all go out, the last carbon atom will fade away and nobody will be alive to have ever cared about you. This is why the Archangel is in my top 10 list of favorite Fears. In my mind, he's the third scariest of all of them, save The Choir and The Quiet, and the Quiet only because as opposed to eternal unconsciousness, it's more of a "you never existed and your works your dreams all that is now rendered nothingness by one being".
In conclusion, I really think this blog is a classic and paved the way for the Mythos proper. It may have had a cynical piece-o'-shit protagonist, but he was a well-written cynical piece-o'-shit protagonist that knows he's a jerkwad at times and is at points sympathetic, and the fact that he eventually starts getting slaughter-happy is heavily reminiscent of Jack Torrance from Stephen King's The Shining. Even Crystal, as much as I hated her clingy intrusive attitude, I did think she had a well plotted and almost depressing backstory, just like Joey does. The scares, especially the hallucinations Joey Steward has and the Rabbits post, are enticingly horrifying, and like I said, whilst the first dozen posts are sub-par at best, you see LizardBite's work improve, and improve, and IMPROVE to one of the most satisfying melancholy endings/segues I have ever read.
For ratings, I would have to average out the three "acts" that I divided the review into.
The first act gets a shocking 5/10 for its stretched exposition, watered down scares, and my personal hatred of Joey Steward, the second act gets a much better 7/10 for its introduction to the plot, its portrayal of Steward's addiction to the drug, and the original plot, and the final act gets a spectacular 10/10 for its spectacular scares, characterization, and ending, which averages out to the whole blog getting a 7/10, not the best blog I ever read, the first third of the blog being the anchor that bogs it down, but it's satisfying and I'd suggest reading the whole blog for yourself. It's worth it.
I'm not going directly into Hidden in the Trees, as I'm planning on reviewing The Big Three, then seven of the other more prominent original blogs, meaning the next review is of- well- Jordan Eats Normally Now. I will say I've not ever read this blog before, so this'll be an experience for all of us. All of us. All... all of us.
Us us us us us JOIN US.
*Ahem* Sorry 'bout that, I was just practicing my Camper speech.
"Who is this irresistible creature who has an insatiable love for the dead?
LIVING DEAD GIRL." (Eccentrically Bored)
You're goddamn right it's Rob Zombie. And then Joey Steward once again did something stupid, by getting rid of the drugs and forgetting about the intense and hallucination-filled withdrawal period. He starts by meeting an eldritch version of Long Cat. I shit you not. Honestly, the way he describes the whole nightmare and the very next post, where he's going through complete painful withdrawal and wants to have the pills back so he can stop caring again. He's having incredibly painful headaches, shakes, hallucinations, and he just wants the pills back.
Then comes along C. Honestly, I hated reading C and her comments, because as far as I was concerned, this person was forcibly inserting herself into his problems, and I usually HATE it when people do that with me. If the dumbass gets his fool self killed, sucks to be him for catching a Fear's attention. And the anonymous commenter deserves a high five, possible Timberwolf or not.
And then let's move onto the next page and
In any case, Joey Steward finds the blog brighter than a spoon as reviewed earlier in my blog. He starts trying to determine who The Archangel is. And then C finally says it straight. "Hey. I'm running from the Archangel. Let's team up, brainstorm, and if we can't figure out a way to fuck over the Archangel then we become running buddies like Tav and Agnes," to which Joey replies, "Sure, m'kay, whatever you annoying trollop."
Finally, we learned about Crystal. She's Crystal, a straight-headed, deeply troubled young woman whose life has been destroyed by The Archangel himself. She's also much older and MUCH more mature than this asshat, forcible entry into the plot notwithstanding.
She lived in French-Canada when she saw The Archangel in a cemetery when her brother was killed in a car crash. Then she kept seeing him. And then, at a party, he openly tried killing her. Then the Archangel started sending her notes involving embracing the Archangel (excellent way to ask someone out Archie. Excellent way. -_-). In any case, she also was haunted by the Archangel taking the form of her dead loved ones. I can definitely see the correlation between The Archangel and The First Evil in this story, and honestly it suits The Afterlife Incarnate very well.
The very next post has Archie's human worshipper cronies hacking J.S' account. I'm sorry, but the "My account was hacked" scenario is overused to the point of annoyance, and besides, they had a You-Tube account. And in order to have a You-Tube account they had to have had an e-mail account. Couldn't they have said overt, threatening stuff to Joey over e-mail? Or maybe a rock through the window with a note tied to it? Nevermind, I'm getting ahead of myself. Granted, it turns out the Archangel made the post himself (...wut) and also took a video and posted it to YouTube. First of all, I both lost respect and gained respect for the Archangel in this post. He lost scary points with me, but he gained trendy points as well, creating some kind of equilibrium of coolness and creepiness. Anyways, then we go to the single fucking scariest post in the entire goddamn blog.
Rabbits. Goddamn Rabbits.
I just- I don't even. Just look at it for yourself. It notes two weird things, and let's just say the first far trumps the second. So now Steward and Crystal have formed a "We-Are-So-Fucking-Fucked" Alliance and started looking for work outside a Home Depot. And... we have no fucking clue what Crystal's selling at this point in time. He then does carpenting work and this time the employer bummed him off.
(Also, I would like to note that, alongside the fact that the Archangel's the afterlife itself, the first name Joseph and the work as a carpenter also sway towards THEOLOGICAL SYMBOLISM. And if LizardBite says that wasn't intended, I say "Death of the Author" trope, dammit, which means I can add as many bullshit metaphors and think of as many symbols in this story as I goddamn please!)
Oh, and then the two go to a fancy hotel in a new state and Joey is seemingly high as fuck and/or Slendertaken. Obviously, Crystal found out, intervened, fought with Joey, kept him from getting Slendertaken or at least for a little while longer, flushed those goddamn pills he found down the toilet, listened to him rant about how they should all embrace the Archangel, then watched him pass out. And then Crystal says this:
"Shit, I don't know what the hell those pills are, but they aren't natural. I'm pretty sure they were the same ones he was taking before I met him. They can cause addiction after just a few uses, and then get your body dependent on them so much that you go into withdrawal after a couple hours without a dose. That's not normal no matter how you slice it. Trust me, I'd know." (Eccentrically Bored)
Though seriously, as far as I'm concerned, Crystal shouldn't be intervening in JS's life, man. He shold just go with the flow and be taken to an eternal white room of nothingness like the rest of us and make his own ignorant mistakes and get fucked over for them. Is that too much to ask, just let the dumbass suffer? ...I suppose so, and it's futile to keep asking, as the blog has been written and shelved for two years, but I can hope.
So now Crystal is like Joey's maternal figure (I will now call her Red, as she's Canadian and has a very motherly nature) and makes sure he can't get ahold of pills anymore... then Crystal gets JS drunk off his ass. -.- Crystal, in the time frame of ONE post, you've lost the right to be attributed to Red. :I
And then the Archangel hacks JS' account- again- and Crystal notices that she's not the prude here- it's Joey Steward himself! ...well, that was honestly a surprise. She also explains her reasoning to get him drunk, begs for forgiveness, shamalamadingdong and a comment chain later and JS is celebrating his birthday... but then he hears a knock at the door.
Okay, so Joey opened the door to say hello to two drug dealers who think Crystal's the one making the Angel drug. They pistol whip the fuck out of Steward and tie him to a chair. Then the door opens and Crystal walks in. She then gets shot in the leg and then Slender Man and Archie both realize that their quarry is being hunted by mere mortals and it's time to fucking kill these interlopers. And they get hardcore, man. People get disembowled, heads explode, and the two protagonists themselves get shot at. And you know what sucks about this? It was, in the end, all Crystal's fault. She was selling the goddamn Angel drug, knowing it was highly addictive and she's kind of being hypocritical here.
In any case, Crystal has been telling us a story about how she's spent seven years running for her life and suffering, prostituting herself, stealing, and selling other drugs just to get by. She then explains that a long time ago she got a message from the Archangel and realized that Archie, Slendy, and any other eldritch thingemahoo that was in the area were all playing an eldritch, Blue and Orange Morality kind of game, and Joey and Crystal are all pawns in this, explaining Joey's "we are the pieces" bullshit. And then she says she's probably about to get captured by one or the other, i.e. get her ass killed off.
Joey knows that she's suffering from gangrene, and he's getting conflicted between leaving her there and going off on his own. And to make everything fucking worse, the Rake's popping his Bel-Shamharoth-shaped piece on the board.
Finally, The Archangel finally got his claws into Crystal. As much as I hated Crystal at this point... it was sad to see her go. I don't know. It's that- well, she and he have suffered through a lot together, and they were both assholes together, and well- she was a good, well-rounded character, with pros and cons like everyone else and makes her death so tragic, save Joey's "deaddeaddeaddeaddead" stereotypical babble... excusable babble, but still. Joey calls out Archie to come after him, and so he does come to Joey, in the form of Crystal. Then they do some soulgazing straight out of the goddamn Dresden Files and Joey realizes that he's not dealing with some regular eldritch spook or creep. He was fucking with most of the world's equivalent to God. And then Slender Man kicked the Archangel's ass and kept Archie from killing Joey.
Afterwards, Joey accepts the Slender Man's proxification ceremony and then killed his whole family with a kitchen knife. Which... well, what he says afterwards, about them "simply ceasing"... scares the fuck out of me. I mean... existentiality is what makes us us. Most of us want some sort of consciousness or anything after we die, not just eternal lack of conscience, no sight, sound, smell, feel, taste, or thought, just nothing. No, not even nothing, less than nothing. This is why the Archangel scares me. Complete and total lack of consciousness comes for us, no matter how much we try to fight it, and our souls fade and die, and while we live on through our contributions to the world, in the end the stars will all go out, the last carbon atom will fade away and nobody will be alive to have ever cared about you. This is why the Archangel is in my top 10 list of favorite Fears. In my mind, he's the third scariest of all of them, save The Choir and The Quiet, and the Quiet only because as opposed to eternal unconsciousness, it's more of a "you never existed and your works your dreams all that is now rendered nothingness by one being".
In conclusion, I really think this blog is a classic and paved the way for the Mythos proper. It may have had a cynical piece-o'-shit protagonist, but he was a well-written cynical piece-o'-shit protagonist that knows he's a jerkwad at times and is at points sympathetic, and the fact that he eventually starts getting slaughter-happy is heavily reminiscent of Jack Torrance from Stephen King's The Shining. Even Crystal, as much as I hated her clingy intrusive attitude, I did think she had a well plotted and almost depressing backstory, just like Joey does. The scares, especially the hallucinations Joey Steward has and the Rabbits post, are enticingly horrifying, and like I said, whilst the first dozen posts are sub-par at best, you see LizardBite's work improve, and improve, and IMPROVE to one of the most satisfying melancholy endings/segues I have ever read.
For ratings, I would have to average out the three "acts" that I divided the review into.
The first act gets a shocking 5/10 for its stretched exposition, watered down scares, and my personal hatred of Joey Steward, the second act gets a much better 7/10 for its introduction to the plot, its portrayal of Steward's addiction to the drug, and the original plot, and the final act gets a spectacular 10/10 for its spectacular scares, characterization, and ending, which averages out to the whole blog getting a 7/10, not the best blog I ever read, the first third of the blog being the anchor that bogs it down, but it's satisfying and I'd suggest reading the whole blog for yourself. It's worth it.
I'm not going directly into Hidden in the Trees, as I'm planning on reviewing The Big Three, then seven of the other more prominent original blogs, meaning the next review is of- well- Jordan Eats Normally Now. I will say I've not ever read this blog before, so this'll be an experience for all of us. All of us. All... all of us.
Us us us us us JOIN US.
*Ahem* Sorry 'bout that, I was just practicing my Camper speech.
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Off-Topic- The Canterbury Tales (or, Geoffrey Chaucer's Flying Circus)
O' what glorious creation is this! Ah, nothing more divine and holy has ever been previously viewed upon! It is a Pythonization of the classic 14th Century unfinished literary masterwork. It includes such glorious things as an Elvis knight, an Ozzy Osbourne knight, cross-eyed kazoo knights, a car-dealer pardoner, a failed stand-up comedian priest, a red-mohawked bandit, a painfully offensive Miller, and the lazy, procrastinating asshole Chaucer himself, as well as the calm-headed, wisecracking inkeeper Harry Bailley. As well as a whole cast and crew of
I myself play the roles of Geoffrey Chaucer, the blue Kazoo Player, and Horse That Is Sat Upon #1.
Behold, the Trailer of Trailerness!
I myself play the roles of Geoffrey Chaucer, the blue Kazoo Player, and Horse That Is Sat Upon #1.
Behold, the Trailer of Trailerness!
Saturday, April 6, 2013
ZacksQuest Contemplates- The Cold Boy
I came to the checklist of Fears I can either praise or roast, and someone told me to review the Cold Boy. And lo and behold, here I am... doing... that.
Okay, let me get this off my chest. Just like the Plague Doctor, the Cold Boy is on my personal top ten list of Fears. And for good reason. He's a Fear I can find no trouble in writing, no matter how I feel and no matter the circumstance. Also, he's the spirit of loneliness and being forgotten by others, left on the sidewalk and waiting for a lonely, loveless end. That's a fear that hits really close to home for a number of reasons, and the fact that there are children freezing to death, lonely, forgotten, maybe even abused. He's also incredibly creepy. You can say he has a... chill factor.
Okay, stop throwing the tomatoes, I'll stop making puns... thanks for giving me the cold should- OH FINE.
The Cold Boy appears as a lonely young child, either with a rosy-cheeked slightly cyan-tinted face, or a garish, cracked-open frostbitten nightmare face. Either or. He can wear a striped shirt, a turtleneck, a Huck Finn straw hat (surprisingly very fitting), shoeless, torn open socks... his wardrobe doesn't matter, though. He also spouts the most terrifying nursery rhymes this side of Homicidal Mother Goose, and he has the tendency to reach out to the lonely... and freeze them. Not cool for someone who just wants friends, Cold Boy. Not cool at all, broseph...
...oh God no pun intended nopunintendednopuninTIHJAUGH FUCK MAN. A SHOTPUT!?
However, there is a complaint I have about the Cold Boy. I seem to notice that, in all the time I have read blogs with the Cold Boy, he is either a cunning, terrifying abomination, or the most sympathetic eldritch being ever to exist. Either he's out for blood, with a terrifying, cracked-open frostbitten face and a disturbingly innocent smile, OR he's a poor little lost kid who needs a friend. I believe that there is an equilibrium... some middle ground where he's both terrifying and sympathetic, and you have the perfect mixture for a well rounded abomination.
His servants are Children of the Cold. Children who serve the Cold Boy who were lonely in human life and also have the abilities of the Cold Boy himself, minus the immortality and fairly less powerful than The Cold Boy. As far as I'm concerned... the Children of the Cold are actually pretty cool in some cases, but at the end of the day, creepy, disturbing, powerful, or no, they're basically little armies of Cold Boy clones... which is honestly a horrifying thought I shall never relate anything to again.
In conclusion, I love the Cold Boy, his possibilities, the way he can be molded into a fine shape, and what he symbolizes. However, it seems he can only either be written creepy or written tame, and his Servants are not what they could be. Oh well. Maybe a blog will come along and change all that. The spectacular blog that will come down when a great blogger finds the grey between the black and white of the Cold Boy's possible appearances.
Blogs I Reccomend:
Okay, let me get this off my chest. Just like the Plague Doctor, the Cold Boy is on my personal top ten list of Fears. And for good reason. He's a Fear I can find no trouble in writing, no matter how I feel and no matter the circumstance. Also, he's the spirit of loneliness and being forgotten by others, left on the sidewalk and waiting for a lonely, loveless end. That's a fear that hits really close to home for a number of reasons, and the fact that there are children freezing to death, lonely, forgotten, maybe even abused. He's also incredibly creepy. You can say he has a... chill factor.
Okay, stop throwing the tomatoes, I'll stop making puns... thanks for giving me the cold should- OH FINE.
The Cold Boy appears as a lonely young child, either with a rosy-cheeked slightly cyan-tinted face, or a garish, cracked-open frostbitten nightmare face. Either or. He can wear a striped shirt, a turtleneck, a Huck Finn straw hat (surprisingly very fitting), shoeless, torn open socks... his wardrobe doesn't matter, though. He also spouts the most terrifying nursery rhymes this side of Homicidal Mother Goose, and he has the tendency to reach out to the lonely... and freeze them. Not cool for someone who just wants friends, Cold Boy. Not cool at all, broseph...
...oh God no pun intended nopunintendednopuninTIHJAUGH FUCK MAN. A SHOTPUT!?
However, there is a complaint I have about the Cold Boy. I seem to notice that, in all the time I have read blogs with the Cold Boy, he is either a cunning, terrifying abomination, or the most sympathetic eldritch being ever to exist. Either he's out for blood, with a terrifying, cracked-open frostbitten face and a disturbingly innocent smile, OR he's a poor little lost kid who needs a friend. I believe that there is an equilibrium... some middle ground where he's both terrifying and sympathetic, and you have the perfect mixture for a well rounded abomination.
His servants are Children of the Cold. Children who serve the Cold Boy who were lonely in human life and also have the abilities of the Cold Boy himself, minus the immortality and fairly less powerful than The Cold Boy. As far as I'm concerned... the Children of the Cold are actually pretty cool in some cases, but at the end of the day, creepy, disturbing, powerful, or no, they're basically little armies of Cold Boy clones... which is honestly a horrifying thought I shall never relate anything to again.
In conclusion, I love the Cold Boy, his possibilities, the way he can be molded into a fine shape, and what he symbolizes. However, it seems he can only either be written creepy or written tame, and his Servants are not what they could be. Oh well. Maybe a blog will come along and change all that. The spectacular blog that will come down when a great blogger finds the grey between the black and white of the Cold Boy's possible appearances.
Blogs I Reccomend:
- brighter than a spoon (First appearance of the Cold Boy)
- Snowball in Hell (First appearance of the Children of the Cold)
- The Ripeness is All (Well made, like matching together pieces of a puzzle, a great transcript, a relatively short blog with a fairly good ending.)
- Over the River (This is a fairly simple Cold Boy blog. I'm planning on doing a full review of this later.)
- Follow the Yellow Brick Road (...okay I added this one because shameless self-advertising ahoy!)
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
ZacksQuest Contemplates- The Plague Doctor
Welcome to the first of the ZacksQuest Contemplates- where I talk about Fears, what I like about them, what I dislike about them, and what I would do if I wasn't too damn lazy to write a Fearblog. I'll talk about many aspects: I usually talk about the vanilla aspect of the Fear a lot, but I also talk about chocolate, sprinkles, bananna fudge, blood, visceral fluid, eldritch energy drink, and clear.
Our first contender up on the examination booth is the Plague Doctor.
Ah, the Plague Doctor. Many people know he's among my top ten favorite Fears, probably around the five or six spot, and for very good reason- he controls illness, the leading cause of all death in the universe ever, from the smallest amoeba to the largest outbreak of swine flu. And he's fucking creepy.
His appearance is unoriginal, but forgiving, as he walks/floats/looms around in a medieval plague doctor's outfit, complete with a wide-brimmed hat and in some interpretations a cloak made of sentient bacteria that eat any and all bio-organic matter that pass near it.
He can control illness itself in all its forms, and this causes some serious paranoia problems for me as someone with definite problems with my immune system. He is also known to spread hypochondria, which is not a disease. Nope. He instills the fear of himself and what he represents inside you before he comes back to feast upon your oozing lesions... too far. It doesn't even have to be a physical issue. He can probably make your cells metasticize with simply a touch, and can give you a slew of mental health problems.
Another little aspect of his power comes in the fact that he has legions (not to be confused with lesions, which is a festering oval-like sore that I just mentioned in the above paragraph) of homicidal doctors who have sworn to violate the Hippocratic Oath, known as Oathbreakers. These people spread around plagues and death like its confetti, and the fact that these are people that the populace goes to for assistance and help makes it... just a tad jarring.
Honestly, I love the Plague Doctor. He is pestilence incarnate (which is a title sadly given to the Intrusion, which I think is undeserved of the mass of not-quite-creepy crawlies) and the amount of paranoia and body horror that he gives off. He is among my favorite beings in the Fear Mythos.
Really Good Blogs to Read:
Our first contender up on the examination booth is the Plague Doctor.
Ah, the Plague Doctor. Many people know he's among my top ten favorite Fears, probably around the five or six spot, and for very good reason- he controls illness, the leading cause of all death in the universe ever, from the smallest amoeba to the largest outbreak of swine flu. And he's fucking creepy.
His appearance is unoriginal, but forgiving, as he walks/floats/looms around in a medieval plague doctor's outfit, complete with a wide-brimmed hat and in some interpretations a cloak made of sentient bacteria that eat any and all bio-organic matter that pass near it.
He can control illness itself in all its forms, and this causes some serious paranoia problems for me as someone with definite problems with my immune system. He is also known to spread hypochondria, which is not a disease. Nope. He instills the fear of himself and what he represents inside you before he comes back to feast upon your oozing lesions... too far. It doesn't even have to be a physical issue. He can probably make your cells metasticize with simply a touch, and can give you a slew of mental health problems.
Another little aspect of his power comes in the fact that he has legions (not to be confused with lesions, which is a festering oval-like sore that I just mentioned in the above paragraph) of homicidal doctors who have sworn to violate the Hippocratic Oath, known as Oathbreakers. These people spread around plagues and death like its confetti, and the fact that these are people that the populace goes to for assistance and help makes it... just a tad jarring.
Honestly, I love the Plague Doctor. He is pestilence incarnate (which is a title sadly given to the Intrusion, which I think is undeserved of the mass of not-quite-creepy crawlies) and the amount of paranoia and body horror that he gives off. He is among my favorite beings in the Fear Mythos.
Really Good Blogs to Read:
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
ZacksQuest Reviews- Eccentrically Bored, Part Two of Three
Okay, so when I left off, Joseph Steward may have actually been sympathetic for once. This time, on ZacksQuest reviews...
Right after that little journey into Joseph's motivations and mind, we finally meet our antagonist, The Archangel... sort of. Joseph Steward notices a strange man in a hoodie and gas mask staring out at him from the sidewalk, who Joseph assumes may be the killer. Honestly, this had the potential to be really creepy and really jar me. Maybe if the Archangel started creeping closer, or maybe if the Archangel pulled out an axe, or started bleeding out of the breathing holes, or... anything but standing there and then walking on. It feels like a wasted opportunity and... I'm really disappointed in that moment. But it still shows that the plot is thickening, and in any case, this did show that Joseph Steward can be seriously affected by shit like this. He's starting to lose sleep, and it makes sense, because he thinks he saw a killer of two, potentially more people, and it not only was coming down his street, but it stared right the fuck at him. It makes sense. It works. Then, in the next post, someone sends him a legitimate creepy proxy video. First of all, the proxy channel is pretty much the common Slender trope, right behind Slendersickness and squiggly arms. But this isn't a Slender proxy. That's right. It's from the Archangel and his cult followers, saying that they can protect him from the Slender Man. Honestly, this is really good, and Joey Steward reacts the way any former-cynic would- he gets pissed and demand the perpetrator shuts the fuck up and stops harassing him.
Okay, the next post takes place on Ash Wednesday and Joey Steward's just got his fool ass Slenderstalked. The thing is... the Slender Man doesn't do anything. After Joey went to mass, he drives by a children's playground, then notices the long, tall, and faceless gaping at him. The thing is... the Slender Man, just like Archie, doesn't really do, anything. Hell, he doesn't even eat one of the passing children for sustenance. He's just standing there... MENACINGLY... GET OUT OF THERE STEWARD-! Again, I don't dislike Eccentrically Bored, but these two initial appearances seem to be quite the wasted opportunity, and I feel like Slendy could have done something. Anything. He could have waved his tentacles around like a goofball for all I care, just not... that. Actually, I'm being too hard on it. The fact that it was meant to be a vlog initially shows. The strange locations, the operator symbols, the proxy videos... I do think that both the Archangel and Slender Man scares were meant for the low-resolution screen of YouTube, not blog format, and I honestly believe that, if both the Archie and Slender Man scares were in vlogs, they would have been legitimately creepy, or at least a little unnerving. Then, being a regular joe, he does something logical. He calls the fucking cops. However, instead of saying, "Psst... there's a guy that should be on amber alert and I may have info on the Virginia Valley Girl Bludgeoner," he was... a little less smooth about it. He told everything. Granted, the SMSC come along after the police wonder whether or not to put him in a mental ward, but they're kind of... useless this blog. His parents are finally worried about his mental health and requests he see a psychologist for his "paranoid delusions".
Actually, that's basically exactly what happened to him. He goes to a psychologist who then gives him some obviously-not-Slenderpills and then he starts becoming more and more... emotional, and the pills are suppressing his true emotions. You can see that the paranoia, the possible delusions, the loneliness, it's all getting to him, and the family now thinking of him as a freak is also pushing on him immensely. But it doens't matter. Nothing matters to him anymore. Not even Slender Man getting all Peeping Tom on Steward.
"I don't care that an empty face is in the window. I don't care about the video.
I don't care that Hes watching me. I don't care. I feel fine." ("Feeling Fine". Eccentrically Bored.)
Honestly, this moment is legitimately creepy. You know that Joey Steward's about to go off the deep end, and if he doesn't Slendy's about to do it for him. This is when you really see the magic of the Steward blogs, no matter how iffy the exposition was. Then, like any normal person, he does some research and finds out about the Slender Man, and its connection to Der Grobbman of the proxy video. What happens next? He goes stereotypically loony, that's what. For good reason. Archie's right outside his door. He's been watching Steward for fifteen minutes. Steward is teetering even further over the brink of the abyss, with only his happy pills as a life-saver for him. And the way he just casually, if not gleefully, describes the way that he thinks "Gas Mask" killed his victims. Then, finally, The World in Flames post comes around. Slender Man comes to Steward and finally does shit. Namely, it points its finger at Steward, and it booped him right in the face, Azoth dripping from his suit-flesh-thing. Then suddenly Steward's in a crumbling city under a black sky, filled with ashes and fire. Then Gas Mask comes down from the heavens like Samael himself to say, "You will rue the day, Stewardman! We will meet again, my nemesis!" Actually, he said it in a legitimitely disturbing and mostly-original way. And then he remembers passing out on his lawn. So, in the next post, Steward pretends not to even remember yesterday, probably to maintain his sanity. However, he notices being followed, but chooses to ignore it. So, then the girl shadowing him bum rushes him and tries killing him by beating him to death, but he fights her off. Then he remembers that she was one of the three victims of the Archangel. The Archangel could have either brought her corpse from the dead or used her face to disguise himself, both of which he can do fairly simply.
"I was attacked by a fucking dead girl." ("Attacked". Eccentrically Bored.)
So, in the comments section a mysterious individual named "C" says he/she is coming to help Joey. And next post shows that after a long time, Steward finally snapped... well, it's assumed he did snap, but he's mostly "calm" now. He's still a little jittery about the zombie chick who attacked him, and he tells "C" that he doesn't want "C's" help. And then he realizes for himself the fact that he realizes that the pills may not be healthy for him. Turns out, they were given to him while the psychiatrist was... Slender-hypnotized? It's not really clarified. Also, C's comments him that in a few days, he/she will be in Virginia. Honestly, I don't like it when people openly interfere in peoples' business. Joey Steward can solve his own damn problems and doesn't need anyone's help and he doesn't need a "you and me versus the Fears together" team-up. In fact, honestly kind of want him to die. With that, I finish part two. As you can see, the blog shot way uphill, and I really feel empathy for Joey Steward and what he's going through. There are a couple legit creepy moments, and while I feel that the vlog medium would have done loads more than what the blog format is doing for this, I do believe that the story is really good and worth a read. Now on to the piece de resistance, the final part of this review trilogy.
ZacksQuest Reviews- Eccentrically Bored, Part One of Three
This blog I'm reviewing is another of the Big Three blogs of the Fear Mythos, and I actually found this one not to be as good as the other two Big Three, but is at the very least a somewhat marred gemstone of the Fear Mythos and a great introduction to one of my personal favorite Fears.
First of all, let me tell you what I knew of LizardBite's universe that he created with these blogs, known as The Great Game Verse. It is a beautiful idea. It's a game of eldritch chess that not only can human understand due to the Fears' Blue and Orange Morality, and it works so damn well!. It sets up alliances between the Fears that we cannot understand, and as insignificant, non-Eldritch mortals into playthings for the Fears' competitive amusement. There's a reason why I base all my independent, unconnected blogs around the Great Game Verse. Okay, now back to the topic of Eccentrically Bored. It starts off simple enough, with some random unexplained post about someone describing their death. It's honestly really creepy, and the "life goes on" at the end is confusing, and very satisfactory. Then we're introduced to our own resident cynic, Joseph Steward, and his beautiful choice of introduction.
"Sup, bitches?" ("New Blog Ahoy!" Eccentrically Bored)
He goes on a couple paragraph rant about how his life is all humdrum in the most dickish melodramatic way possible, and then talks about his awesome adventures. And in the next post, he starts bitching about the color pink and how the resolution on his laptop morphs. I'll just say it here. I hated both of the protagonists. Joseph Steward is a chauvenist, pessimistic asshat who can't find a speck of good and the upcoming character is well-meaning and kind but is so officious and obtrusive that it hurts. Finally, he goes on and hears a faint scratching around the house. He goes outside and sees that it was a dog, but then again may not. Then he hears the scratching again. It's cliched as hell, and if he never saw what was outside, it would have made it so much creepier, added suspense. Either way, it's cliched, but honestly, this was the part that was the shit that tarnished this otherwise well-written blog. From this point on, it's an uphill climb to a satisfying and greatly rewarding conclusion conclusion.
Okay, now this is when he starts using out-of-blog material, which adds to the immersion of the blog so well, using an artical from the Virginian Pilot about a young woman beaten and drowned, foreshadowing events to come and, honestly, it's kind of creepy. Sadly, the link is broken. Two days after that, he finds out that the victim is from the nearby are. The foreshadowing thickens even more, and I must admit that you are wondering what the hell Joseph Steward's about to get his stupid ass into, and what kind of murderous monster he's about to run into.
Then he goes back to bitching and moaning for a while, which is honestly a bit of a disappointment in my eyes; I thought he would at least be a little on edge, but life goes on. First he bitches about work, then about school, then about the fact that he has followers. Goddamn, I honestly hate Joseph Steward's character. He is never satisfied, never pleased, always complaining to the whole damn world. Then another person gets killed by whoever caused the first death. Joseph Steward is two parts intrigued, three parts scared shitless, and Peter Rivers' comment reminds me to add his blog to the list. FINALLY, after seven or so posts, good ole' Joey finally posts those construction pictures. And it has all the good locations for a Slendervlog, and it's chock full with Operator Symbols and Twin Triangles (the calling card symbol of the Archangel). Makes sense, though, considering it was originally intened to be a vlog. He also mentions a glitched up picture.
Then he complains about his allergies (and/or Slendersickness), and then posts a glitched up picture, that is actually quite creepy on second glance. I swear I see tentacles between those two freight containers. And he feels drawn to this picture, like it's calling out to him in some strange manner. And his Slendersickness gets worse.
And then, next post, his Slendersickness goes away... LizardBite, understand that I still like this blog, and most of what I say is just nitpicking and hating on the character's personality (not because it's badly written, but it's intentionally written so that he's a bad person), but you wasted a fairly good opportunity here, bro. Also, he takls about how he's now without friends and families, and he's getting lonely, and explains why he's started blogging. Honestly, this is the first time I felt legit sympathy for the human garbage that is Mr. Steward. Okay, so this part of the blog was not... good. Honestly, I do enjoy it. It sets up exposition, sets up some characterization for Joseph Steward (the fact that he's a cynical asshole who drives people away for personal reasons and out of loneliness and the fact that he is
Finally, I am honestly interested in what happens next. LizardBite may have cut a few corners, and this blog is one of his earlier works and it shows, but it helps me feel for the character, understand the cahracter, and makes me want to follow along with it.
This was the part of his Joseph Steward blogs that are more on the crappy side, the first four posts being the worst, but from this point on, shit's about to get real, and the Archangel's about to strike hard.
First of all, let me tell you what I knew of LizardBite's universe that he created with these blogs, known as The Great Game Verse. It is a beautiful idea. It's a game of eldritch chess that not only can human understand due to the Fears' Blue and Orange Morality, and it works so damn well!. It sets up alliances between the Fears that we cannot understand, and as insignificant, non-Eldritch mortals into playthings for the Fears' competitive amusement. There's a reason why I base all my independent, unconnected blogs around the Great Game Verse. Okay, now back to the topic of Eccentrically Bored. It starts off simple enough, with some random unexplained post about someone describing their death. It's honestly really creepy, and the "life goes on" at the end is confusing, and very satisfactory. Then we're introduced to our own resident cynic, Joseph Steward, and his beautiful choice of introduction.
"Sup, bitches?" ("New Blog Ahoy!" Eccentrically Bored)
He goes on a couple paragraph rant about how his life is all humdrum in the most dickish melodramatic way possible, and then talks about his awesome adventures. And in the next post, he starts bitching about the color pink and how the resolution on his laptop morphs. I'll just say it here. I hated both of the protagonists. Joseph Steward is a chauvenist, pessimistic asshat who can't find a speck of good and the upcoming character is well-meaning and kind but is so officious and obtrusive that it hurts. Finally, he goes on and hears a faint scratching around the house. He goes outside and sees that it was a dog, but then again may not. Then he hears the scratching again. It's cliched as hell, and if he never saw what was outside, it would have made it so much creepier, added suspense. Either way, it's cliched, but honestly, this was the part that was the shit that tarnished this otherwise well-written blog. From this point on, it's an uphill climb to a satisfying and greatly rewarding conclusion conclusion.
Okay, now this is when he starts using out-of-blog material, which adds to the immersion of the blog so well, using an artical from the Virginian Pilot about a young woman beaten and drowned, foreshadowing events to come and, honestly, it's kind of creepy. Sadly, the link is broken. Two days after that, he finds out that the victim is from the nearby are. The foreshadowing thickens even more, and I must admit that you are wondering what the hell Joseph Steward's about to get his stupid ass into, and what kind of murderous monster he's about to run into.
Then he goes back to bitching and moaning for a while, which is honestly a bit of a disappointment in my eyes; I thought he would at least be a little on edge, but life goes on. First he bitches about work, then about school, then about the fact that he has followers. Goddamn, I honestly hate Joseph Steward's character. He is never satisfied, never pleased, always complaining to the whole damn world. Then another person gets killed by whoever caused the first death. Joseph Steward is two parts intrigued, three parts scared shitless, and Peter Rivers' comment reminds me to add his blog to the list. FINALLY, after seven or so posts, good ole' Joey finally posts those construction pictures. And it has all the good locations for a Slendervlog, and it's chock full with Operator Symbols and Twin Triangles (the calling card symbol of the Archangel). Makes sense, though, considering it was originally intened to be a vlog. He also mentions a glitched up picture.
Then he complains about his allergies (and/or Slendersickness), and then posts a glitched up picture, that is actually quite creepy on second glance. I swear I see tentacles between those two freight containers. And he feels drawn to this picture, like it's calling out to him in some strange manner. And his Slendersickness gets worse.
And then, next post, his Slendersickness goes away... LizardBite, understand that I still like this blog, and most of what I say is just nitpicking and hating on the character's personality (not because it's badly written, but it's intentionally written so that he's a bad person), but you wasted a fairly good opportunity here, bro. Also, he takls about how he's now without friends and families, and he's getting lonely, and explains why he's started blogging. Honestly, this is the first time I felt legit sympathy for the human garbage that is Mr. Steward. Okay, so this part of the blog was not... good. Honestly, I do enjoy it. It sets up exposition, sets up some characterization for Joseph Steward (the fact that he's a cynical asshole who drives people away for personal reasons and out of loneliness and the fact that he is
"...a socially retarded 19 year old virgin with a blog." ("A Little Self Reflection". Eccentrically Bored.)
Finally, I am honestly interested in what happens next. LizardBite may have cut a few corners, and this blog is one of his earlier works and it shows, but it helps me feel for the character, understand the cahracter, and makes me want to follow along with it.
This was the part of his Joseph Steward blogs that are more on the crappy side, the first four posts being the worst, but from this point on, shit's about to get real, and the Archangel's about to strike hard.
Monday, April 1, 2013
ZacksQuest Reviews- Brighter than a Spoon
This review is of brighter than a spoon, one of the very first Fearblogs written by the prolific and immaculate alliterator. To say he has done much for the Mythos is to be making a cataclysmic, world-breaking understatement, so I think it would be nice to do something in return and review his first Fearblog. I am not reviewing the remake, because I remember this one fondly and I wanted to review this one.
Okay, so it starts out with some fairly good exposition, involving the story of Tav Lowe, an aspiring young poet who I sympathize for, as he seems like the kind of lower-middle class person with dreams bigger than himself, something a lot of people can sympathize with. In any case, he finds the password to his old blog again and so he uses it now to write poetry with.
In any case, it starts out fairly simple and sets up exposition for the character well enough, and even takes the time to post his ideas for poems that he gets in his sleep, and uncovers strange symbols that he can't decipher. The fact that this happened right out of nowhere, in the middle of (near the end, but in the middle of) exposition time is fairly jarring, and the fact that the symbols aren't really used all that much afterwords, if at all. So... Big Lipped Alligator Moment.
In any case, he begins his sleepwalking soon afterwords and posts both either stereotypical Slendersickness-induced ramblings, or the greatest contemporary
poems I've ever heard. Even if it's a little strangely stereotypical, it makes sense because he's being afflicted by the goddamn Slender Man. But oh no, our poor protagonist isn't just getting Slendersick. He's getting SlenderHACKED, as he learns out through horrifying video and audio hallucinations that he is the eldritch version of a transistor radio. Also, he's visited by the SMSC, a Bowie-inspired superspy ring, and his house got ransacked by a former Slenderproxy, who later gets tentacle-raked by the Slender Man himself. Honestly, the timing for this is really good, although his posts are ungodly long. Then again, that's something I have already been, and still am greatly guilty of, so I'm not one to throw stones here.. Then he meets the homeless Agnes Day, who's stalked by another creature known as The Cold Boy, the second of the main Fears in this blog. First of all, Agnes knows about what Tav's going through. She's sympathetic, she grows on him, and she and Tav work so well as a duo that it makes them realistic and very sympathetic. Oh, and she has a dog, too, but besides one or two posts the dog is rarely mentioned or cared about, which is... kind of sad.
Then the Cold Boy shows up in all his giddy, nursery-rhyme creepisms. And he carries around a frostbitten bone with human flesh on it- for the pups, you know. Honestly, this moment was built up to fairly well, and aside from a slightly disappointing payoff in that post, I do like the tension, the fog, the dog barking, and the previous post that developed the Cold Boy as something not-human. Oh, and there's a package that plays a big role in the end. Also, he talks about old noodles. I love you, alliterator, but I'ma have to make a small, insignificant little rant about something unimportant. The noodles should have been brought to the exposition part of the story, and the symbols should have been brought into the part when shit finally started getting real. Instead of two perfect parts, it's two almost-perfect parts with one Big-Lipped Alligator Moment in each, and I am saddened by the fact that these two great parts are not the perfect gems they should be.
.
Afterwards, you learn the backstories of those two SMSC agents. Agent Liza Jane is the sister of Agnes Day who was also stalked by a creature, and Agent Aladdin Sane was a former FBI special agent who found out about the Plague Doctor (he and the Quiet are mentioned in the blog but never seen) while staging a drug bust, leaving him on-edge and with a tendency to tap his fingers. The SMSC decides to lure the two Fears out having the two protagonists walk into a cornfield and having them try calling to the Cold Boy, an eldritch god-like being, with meager arms. I thought this was a very tense scene with really good action, interaction, and atmosphere, and the use of what was in the package was excellent, but the thing is the entire operation could have been completely avoided if the two were at least half-way competent. Granted, when you read it it sounds like the only option, but it isn't. Granted, the fact that alliterator makes you believe it's the only way is nothing short of stunningly amazing as far as writing-wise goes.
Okay, so the Slender Man shows up, tells the Cold Boy that it is not their time, and then they leave the two protagonists to realize how lucky and close they were. And then Tav Lowe passes out, and Agnes thinks he's dead. Actually, he's not. He's in an alternate universe where Agnes and Liza Jane are both dead, Aladdin Sane is a jibbering wreck, Tav himself is a proxy, and the Quiet is eating the universe whole like it was a well-baked chocolate chip cookie. Then he wakes up in a hospital, and is told that all he was dreaming was a falsity. Then he meets Agnes, they agree to run, not away from Fears, but run towards the rest of their lives.
In any case, what did I feel about this blog? In retrospect, this is the first of alliterator's thirty something blogs, and the progress shows, this being a very great work, and the remake so much better, but still very subpar in light of his newer works, such as Paranoia: A Manifesto, Case Study, and Break My Bones (a blog I really wish he would continue) and it does have something strikingly different from the rest of alliterator's works. I don't know, it doesn't have the alliterator FEEL to it... might be the title. I mean, alliterator's titles are all cleverly thought of pieces of philosophical and literary allusions of great significance, and you can tell when alliterator's influenced by Borges, which doesn't come across in this blog. However, it also showed the things that make alliterator one of the best bloggers in the Mythos. His characters. I loved all his characters. I loved how they interacted, how they showed their feelings in actions, not in words (save for Tav and, on occasion, Agnes) and the tension that happened when you knew scary shit was going to go down. Those all showed up later in better works, bu this is both his first blog in the Fear Mythos and the first Fearblog I read.
If I were to rate it, I'd give it a 7/10 (though the remake is really clever and has the Borges feel to it, and I would honestly rate a 9/10).
Next up is Eccentrically Bored.
Okay, so it starts out with some fairly good exposition, involving the story of Tav Lowe, an aspiring young poet who I sympathize for, as he seems like the kind of lower-middle class person with dreams bigger than himself, something a lot of people can sympathize with. In any case, he finds the password to his old blog again and so he uses it now to write poetry with.
In any case, it starts out fairly simple and sets up exposition for the character well enough, and even takes the time to post his ideas for poems that he gets in his sleep, and uncovers strange symbols that he can't decipher. The fact that this happened right out of nowhere, in the middle of (near the end, but in the middle of) exposition time is fairly jarring, and the fact that the symbols aren't really used all that much afterwords, if at all. So... Big Lipped Alligator Moment.
In any case, he begins his sleepwalking soon afterwords and posts both either stereotypical Slendersickness-induced ramblings, or the greatest contemporary
poems I've ever heard. Even if it's a little strangely stereotypical, it makes sense because he's being afflicted by the goddamn Slender Man. But oh no, our poor protagonist isn't just getting Slendersick. He's getting SlenderHACKED, as he learns out through horrifying video and audio hallucinations that he is the eldritch version of a transistor radio. Also, he's visited by the SMSC, a Bowie-inspired superspy ring, and his house got ransacked by a former Slenderproxy, who later gets tentacle-raked by the Slender Man himself. Honestly, the timing for this is really good, although his posts are ungodly long. Then again, that's something I have already been, and still am greatly guilty of, so I'm not one to throw stones here.. Then he meets the homeless Agnes Day, who's stalked by another creature known as The Cold Boy, the second of the main Fears in this blog. First of all, Agnes knows about what Tav's going through. She's sympathetic, she grows on him, and she and Tav work so well as a duo that it makes them realistic and very sympathetic. Oh, and she has a dog, too, but besides one or two posts the dog is rarely mentioned or cared about, which is... kind of sad.
Then the Cold Boy shows up in all his giddy, nursery-rhyme creepisms. And he carries around a frostbitten bone with human flesh on it- for the pups, you know. Honestly, this moment was built up to fairly well, and aside from a slightly disappointing payoff in that post, I do like the tension, the fog, the dog barking, and the previous post that developed the Cold Boy as something not-human. Oh, and there's a package that plays a big role in the end. Also, he talks about old noodles. I love you, alliterator, but I'ma have to make a small, insignificant little rant about something unimportant. The noodles should have been brought to the exposition part of the story, and the symbols should have been brought into the part when shit finally started getting real. Instead of two perfect parts, it's two almost-perfect parts with one Big-Lipped Alligator Moment in each, and I am saddened by the fact that these two great parts are not the perfect gems they should be.
.
Afterwards, you learn the backstories of those two SMSC agents. Agent Liza Jane is the sister of Agnes Day who was also stalked by a creature, and Agent Aladdin Sane was a former FBI special agent who found out about the Plague Doctor (he and the Quiet are mentioned in the blog but never seen) while staging a drug bust, leaving him on-edge and with a tendency to tap his fingers. The SMSC decides to lure the two Fears out having the two protagonists walk into a cornfield and having them try calling to the Cold Boy, an eldritch god-like being, with meager arms. I thought this was a very tense scene with really good action, interaction, and atmosphere, and the use of what was in the package was excellent, but the thing is the entire operation could have been completely avoided if the two were at least half-way competent. Granted, when you read it it sounds like the only option, but it isn't. Granted, the fact that alliterator makes you believe it's the only way is nothing short of stunningly amazing as far as writing-wise goes.
Okay, so the Slender Man shows up, tells the Cold Boy that it is not their time, and then they leave the two protagonists to realize how lucky and close they were. And then Tav Lowe passes out, and Agnes thinks he's dead. Actually, he's not. He's in an alternate universe where Agnes and Liza Jane are both dead, Aladdin Sane is a jibbering wreck, Tav himself is a proxy, and the Quiet is eating the universe whole like it was a well-baked chocolate chip cookie. Then he wakes up in a hospital, and is told that all he was dreaming was a falsity. Then he meets Agnes, they agree to run, not away from Fears, but run towards the rest of their lives.
In any case, what did I feel about this blog? In retrospect, this is the first of alliterator's thirty something blogs, and the progress shows, this being a very great work, and the remake so much better, but still very subpar in light of his newer works, such as Paranoia: A Manifesto, Case Study, and Break My Bones (a blog I really wish he would continue) and it does have something strikingly different from the rest of alliterator's works. I don't know, it doesn't have the alliterator FEEL to it... might be the title. I mean, alliterator's titles are all cleverly thought of pieces of philosophical and literary allusions of great significance, and you can tell when alliterator's influenced by Borges, which doesn't come across in this blog. However, it also showed the things that make alliterator one of the best bloggers in the Mythos. His characters. I loved all his characters. I loved how they interacted, how they showed their feelings in actions, not in words (save for Tav and, on occasion, Agnes) and the tension that happened when you knew scary shit was going to go down. Those all showed up later in better works, bu this is both his first blog in the Fear Mythos and the first Fearblog I read.
If I were to rate it, I'd give it a 7/10 (though the remake is really clever and has the Borges feel to it, and I would honestly rate a 9/10).
Next up is Eccentrically Bored.
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